Transitioning out of post-production

Transitioning out of post-production has proven to be slightly more difficult than I imagined. I thought it'd be easy to jump into marketing and distribution after the film was finished.

Marketing and communications are familiar territory. I spent years being a voice for others, helping shape their story and translate it for the media. I wrote press releases, planned media events, and put together media kits. I handled interviews and set up phone calls with subject matter experts. It was fun!

I thought I'd be totally pumped about marketing and communications for Abandoned Allies, yet I find myself in uncharted territory once again trying to figure out the best way to move forward.

It's possible I'm entirely too close to this project. It's also possible that the past four years have left me exhausted. Or maybe I'm just thinking like a filmmaker instead of a marketer now.

The latter sounds most likely.

I think like a filmmaker now. I play out scenes in my head, envisioning how they would look on camera. I write scenes, get to know characters that live in my mind, geek out about the latest cameras, and enjoy talking shop with other indie filmmakers. I think about future projects, building a crew, and finding funding. I am constantly thinking of how these documentary film ideas could lead to great things.

Yeah, I've become a filmmaker--who'da thunk it? That's pretty cool. I still dig marketing and can't wait to talk distribution, but I'm transitioning out of post-production slowly and enjoying the fact that I have actually finished the film.

We have a lot of work ahead of us. I'm trying to enjoy the milestone, since we have so much work left to do. I also need to catch up on so many personal matters I put on hold while working on Abandoned Allies.

Balance is key, eh? Deep breath. One small step at a time...

DVD Duplication

We're making progress here. The key has been getting a solid DVD master before duplication, of course.

I have struggled with it on my iMac at home, but have had lots of great people helping me out. I'd especially like to thank David Iversen and Jim McQuaid for lending me their expertise; they've been incredibly helpful.

I think we're closing in on my desired end result: about 30 DVDs I can use to submit the film to festivals and share with a few other key folks. It's almost tangible.

What I'm trying to figure out next is DVD sales. This isn't to line my pockets, mind you, but to finally make the film available to those who have asked to see it. I also want a way to sell DVDs at events, should people be interested in that.

I don't want to be the bottleneck either, so it has to be a self-sustaining process. I need a way to upload the files somewhere, allow people to purchase the DVD, and have someone else do the fulfillment so I'm not running to the post-office constantly. I've heard that Amazon does a good job with this, but I still have quite a bit of research to do. (Recommendations are certainly welcome.)

When I talk to younger folks, they act shocked that I'm investing so much energy into DVDs when so much is  now VOD (video on demand). Right now DVDs are key for film festival submissions, and will be important for sharing the film with the Montagnards, Vietnam veterans, and their families. I think many different formats are important, and I'm learning about all of it.

Cutting a Trailer

Among all the things floating around in my head, cutting a trailer is at the top of the list. I've been experimenting with a shorter timeline recently to get used to it. (Don't judge me for using iMovie, mk?)

Everything I've researched and studied leads me to believe that a 30, 60, or 90 second trailer for the film will be ideal. I don't think we need to have much more than that online.

So, then, the question remains: how do you sell a 60-minute documentary in 90 seconds or less?

What Now?

We've entered the next phase of the project: marketing and distributing Abandoned Allies. I find myself in uncharted territory once again; It's exciting. A lot of people are asking me, "What now?"

Here's what we're doing.

DVD Duplication
We're putting a few copies of the film on DVD. These initial copies will be used for film festival submissions. Each festival requires about two to three copies on DVD.

We'll also send a few copies to people featured in the film, so they can see the finished product.A few more copies will go to key people who have helped make the film, so they can be sure all is in order before we have a public screening. More copies will go to another group of people: those willing to help us find distribution.

The next step is figuring out how to put the film on DVD so the general public can buy it. A friend has told me about using Amazon, so they do the processing and fulfillment of orders. That sounds ideal, as it would keep me focused on the bigger picture and not running to the post office to put DVDs in the mail.

There are other steps to this process, though. I am still learning, which makes it tough to explain. When I have it figured out, I will do my best to share it with you here.

Film Festival Submissions
As I mentioned, we'll submit the film to several festivals. Fees mount up quickly, though. Submission fees range from $20 to nearly $100 so we will have to be fairly picky about where we send the film. This process will happen all year long, as I research which festivals will be most fitting for Abandoned Allies.

Local Screening Events
Screening Abandones Allies at local theaters is also at the top of our list. A few locations that I love: IMAX theater in Raleigh, Carolina Theater in Durham, Galaxy Cinema in Cary, and a few other locations in the Triangle. Planning these events takes resources: time, energy, and money. We are pretty short on those things, so I'm grateful to have help. EJ and I are working on a few things already.

Marketing / Branding
There's much work to be done here but I've recently updated the Facebook and Twitter (@AbandonedAllies) avatars so they match the graphics in the film (which were designed by Patrick Jones). I still need to update the website. I have big dreams about what we can do, but more resources are needed to make that a reality so we're doing the best we can with what we have available.

Additional Support Needed
Support in several areas would be helpful: researching film festivals, logistics with local screening events, social media engagement, etc. If you (or someone you know) is willing to volunteer please tell me.

More to Come
We're hustling. There's a lot happening. Thanks for your support, patience, and encouragement.

Find Good People

Here's a pic of me standing with some folks who have helped me
make Abandoned Allies: (L to R) Todd Tinkham, Surry Roberts,
Chris McClure, George Shepard, Joe Ellington, and Adam Shepard.

This week has made me appreciate--even more--the kind people who have helped me make Abandoned Allies. Over the course of the past four years complete strangers have offered their time and expertise, asking nothing in return. As a result, some of us have become good friends.

I have said thank you countless times to these folks; I hope they know how much they have blessed me by lending a helping hand. We've gotten to know one another, trust one another, and (I hope) look forward to working together on another project.

One of the things that has always attracted me to Hollywood is the family that evolves out of working so closely together. My film education started with watching too many DVD extras and behind-the-scenes interviews. One common theme: the cast and crew adored one another and became this weird but loving family.

They respect and honor one another. They take pride in their work.

These are the people I will always want to work with on a project. They are honorable, trustworthy, humble, and open to ideas. They want to do their best. They show up on time, ready to work. They know how to relax and appreciate their surroundings. They are dependable, intelligent, and fun people.

This week I spent some time with people that don't fit that description. It was unsettling. I am glad for it, as this reminded me of how awesome my team has been over the years.

My team has taught, humbled, and saved me when I needed it most. We got a good thing going. I can't wait to do it again.

Thoughts on Taking Action

One thing that's constantly on my mind: when people see Abandoned Allies and they are motivated to take action, where should I direct them? Right now I don't have a concrete answer, but I'm still looking and talking with people about it.

Here are the things I believe to be self-evident:

• Audiences of documentary films are intelligent folks who like "edu-tainment" because they enjoy learning more about a subject in an informal, entertaining way
• Sometimes they are inspired to take action if a particular issue resonates with them
• Often this action takes the form of: learning more, volunteering, or offering financial support
• They want to be directed to like-minded folks 
• They may want to be part of an existing, trusted and dedicated non-profit that's already making a difference when they join the cause
• If / when they join this organization's efforts they want to feel welcomed, valued, and appreciated
• If they feel like (a) they're efforts are not valued, (b) the organization isn't as committed to the cause as it should be, (c) the organization is not run well, or (d) there's no proof of the difference that's being made -- the dedication to the organization, and perhaps the cause as a whole, may be dropped entirely

I feel like these observations are accurate, but would appreciate more conversation about it. I am learning what I can; just attended a session on getting / retaining volunteers. It was incredibly helpful.

What I envision for Abandoned Allies is a place on the web like this one: http://www.takepart.com/cove. There are so many things I like about this:

• At the very top they briefly list five things you can do now to make a difference.
• A "learn more" option links to a nonprofit dedicated to making a difference on this particular issue.
• Financial gifts will support an existing nonprofit already making a difference.
• There are options available for varying levels of commitment. 

Our documentary explores a minority group and how they have been treated. We look through a very limited scope because the film is only 60 minutes long. We very briefly touch on what's happening today, with the hopes that people will want to learn more and that positive change will take shape. 

I seek an existing organization dedicated to shaping the positive change for both the Montagnard people (in Vietnam and the States) and American soldiers (vets and active duty). This is a broad scope, so I need help finding the trusted organizations helping these groups of people. 

It's a challenge, but not an impossibility. I continue to search and hope.

FAQ: Did you study film making?

No, I haven't studied film making in school. One of my crew members will tell you that Abandoned Allies was my film school. This is so true. I have learned so much over the years working on this film, figuring things out with my peers, and getting advice from other local film makers. It's been an incredible journey.

My degree has helped immensely though. I studied graphic design, photography, and professional communications in college, which gave me a great foundation for film making.

FAQ: Why this subject?

Yesterday I said I'll start answering frequently asked questions as an FAQ series based on experiences I've had and what people typically ask me about the project. (Related blog post available here.) Often I am asked how and why I chose to do a film about the Montagnard people, US Special Forces, and the Vietnam War.

Surry, a friend of mine who served two tours in Vietnam, mentioned a personal project he was working on over dinner one night. Anyone who knows Surry also knows that he usually has a few projects going--and they're always interesting.

We talked about his project. He wanted to capture oral history related to the Vietnam War, recognizing that such opportunities may not be available much longer. The more he talked, the more interested I became.

I realized how little I knew.

There were only two things I could recall about the Vietnam War: it lasted a long time and soldiers who served weren't welcomed home like they were after World War II. I knew even about the U.S. Special Forces and the Montagnard people.

Oh, and I had never made a film. So when I say I was ignorant, I mean really ignorant.

The ignorance made me curious, though. Because I didn't know much, I wanted to know more. The subject matter presented itself when Surry and I chatted that night in 2008.

I told Surry that he should make it into a film, because more people needed to know about these things. It was important to our nation's history, but wasn't common knowledge. It seemed important.

Surry asked me if I wanted to make the film. I said yes.

And that's how Abandoned Allies began.

FAQ Series

Now that post-production has wrapped, I'm moving to other phases of the project. There is a lot to be done: marketing, communications, branding, distribution, and event planning.

This next phase includes revamping the website. Since I'm not sure how to do it (Flash, HTML, Drupal, etc.), I'm collecting content. Ergo, the FAQ series on this blog. In this series, I'll answer questions I've gotten over the past few years.

In no particular order, here are some questions I'll answer:

• Why did you chose this subject?
• Did you study film making in school?
• Did you travel a lot to make this film?
• Where can I see the film?
• When can I buy a DVD?
• How is this film relevant today?
• What can I do to help the Montagnards?
• What else have you worked on?
• What will be your next project?

If you have questions you'd like answered, please let me know. You'll be helping me develop web content. Woot.

Next Steps

We're well on our way to finishing the film. This week we finalized all of the content, exported the film, and burned DVDs of the latest cut.

Big thanks to Patrick Jones, Zach Abrams, Andy Poe, and David Iversen for helping meet a deadline this week. They all hustled to wrap things up quickly, send files, offer technical assistance, and provide encouragement. I am deeply grateful.

Our next steps are shaping up, too. We have a long list but it's exciting stuff. Stay tuned!

The End in Sight?

Is it possible? Are we finally finishing this film? I think so!

Next week I have plans to burn a DVD of the film, with the help of a friend. This weekend my motion graphics guys are going to send me the final piece for inclusion in the film. With those two things taking shape, I'm getting optimistic that we can then start submitting the film to festivals immediately afterwards.

That means--drum roll please--we might be able to finally start scheduling more public screenings. Oh happy day! Dare I get too excited ... Something else might go wrong between now and then, eh?

Stay tuned.

Troubles with Compressor

By some miracle my new iMac is running FCP again. I unplugged it, let it rest for a minute, then plugged it back in--based on what the guys in the Crabtree Apple store recommended. Well, it worked! I've run FCP on my iMac for a few days and it's worked beautifully.

The render time in FCP on this new iMac is sick. I mean sick. It's so fast it blows my mind. I love it! Working on the film these past few days has been exciting. The huge screen, better mouse, faster rendering ... it's delightful.

Yet, there's more bad news. I finally made all of the most recent changes and now I can't export from FCP using Compressor. It says I need to restart each time I try to run the program.

So frustrating. Back to square one again.

In the meantime, a friend has graciously offered to help with the DVD so I can send the film to a few key folks. I'm very excited about that. Now I have to get the iMac fixed again, and/or find another way to get this film on DVD from this computer.

More to come. Here's hoping future posts are full of better news, eh?

Re: iMac

The iMac stopped working again. I'm going to go nuts. As of today, I've taken this computer back to the Apple store a total of four times. Four times!

Each time I lose precious energy and hours that could be spent finishing the film. I pack up this 30lb computer and hope with desperation that I don't get in a car wreck, drop and break the computer, get robbed, or otherwise damage the computer en route to the Genius Bar.

All of the above is complicated by my lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion from carrying the 30lb cumbersome box. By the time I finally get to the Genius Bar, I'm ready to pass out. Then they ask me again what's wrong--after I've just spent time writing it the appointment notes, explaining to the person who checks me in for my appointment in the store, and the handful of employees who helped me the last time I was in for the same problem. When I have to go through the entire lengthy story yet again at the Genius Bar, I'm void of patience.

Add to it: about 75% of the employees who help have either belittled me, asked dumb questions, had no clue how to help, or were so unwilling to help that I was shocked they even worked for Apple. It's completely maddening. One dude was even stingy with packing tape. (He said me they ran out, but I felt like he was lying.)

At this point, I've almost lost my faith in Apple and I've been one of their brand loyalists since I played Oregon Trail on one of their tiny black and green screens. The experiences I've had with this computer, and trying to get it fixed are enough for anyone to throw their hands in the air and walk away.*

A lot of people I know would fuss more than I have about all of this, but I've worked retail so I know how tough it can get. This is a computer problem; it's not the end of the world. I don't wanna lose my mind in public over such nonsense no matter how close I am to crazy.

It's really tough when you've been working on something this hard, for this long, and you're this close to being finished. Little things like this become much bigger and more powerful than they should be because of the circumstances. Especially when you have others waiting on you. It stinks.

But these are the breaks of the game, folks. Indie film making ain't for the faint of heart. Every step is a challenge. Everyone questions your decisions. Expensive equipment and technology will fail when you need it most. For every victory, there's another battle waiting to be won. In the face of each challenge, you have to ask yourself, "How badly do I want it?"

This ain't over yet. 

*There have been one or two Apple employees who have been my saving graces. A FCP expert at the Crabtree store was really helpful. I'm guessing he could see the vacancy in my eyes, tears welling up, or my quivering lip--signs that I'm about to lose it completely. Despite my best efforts to keep my composure, though, he had the smarts to realize I was completely worn out and he was really kind to me. He helped fix the problem and offered the courtesies I would expect from someone representing Apple. For that I am incredibly grateful.

Getting Back to Work

Boxes and boxes of stuff were in my grandmother's attic. We've
since gone through and cleared out most of the house.

Many of you know that my grandmother passed away recently. We've been busy settling her estate, which has left me no time to think about Abandoned Allies.

It was not an unexpected death, but that hardly makes mourning easier. We were close, and I miss her. Going through her house, packing things up, finding a new place for her things, and saying goodbye to a her home (that has been there my entire life) is not easy.

We are close to the end of this chapter, though. The majority of the work there is done, meaning her house is almost empty. This also means my house is full, and desperately needs to be put in order. This has been a great shuffling of stuff, though not entirely a negative thing as one would imagine.

Processing someone else's stuff takes time, energy, and emotion. We have been doing it slowly, to be sure that everyone is happy with how it is done, and I am incredibly grateful for that. It's been tough, but necessary. Spending time with my dad, uncle, and boyfriend in that house as we slowly take it apart has been therapeutic.

We have found countless photos of ancestors, and I've been spending evenings scanning them. When I can, I email some to my family so they can have them, too. Ironically, I found an ancestor's old notebook who was learning to sew. My sister gave me a sewing machine for Christmas, and I have been hoping to finish this film so that I can learn to sew on the machine. What a timely find.

So today, for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I am ready to get back to Abandoned Allies. It's a good feeling, and I think it comes with a little peace in having some affairs in order--and knowing that what's ahead of you isn't too overwhelming anymore.

While I was handling family matters, my crew was hard at work. Patrick and Zach finished most of the motion graphics. Willie finished mixing sound. And many others were working on different aspects of marketing and distribution. With the iMac saga over, I actually have a working computer so I can finish editing.

It seems things are coming together, and we just may have a finished film to share very soon. There's a film festival submission deadline next week. I hope to meet it immediately.

Great News: iMac Saga Ends

Some seriously great news in the life of a filmmaker: my new iMac is finally running Final Cut Pro (FCP) properly! This is the delightful end to a three-month saga with the new computer. I'm so thrilled to finally be using it to finalize Abandoned Allies!

It's a LONG story, so I'm not sure about putting it in writing yet. It has drained me of a lot of energy over the past three months already. The bottom line: that part of this story has ended and a new one has begun. We're putting together the final pieces of the film, burning it to DVDs, and submitting it to a film festival ASAP.

Stay tuned, friends. I'll be sure to tell you more very soon.

The Man Who Owns Much

My dad says, "A man who owns much is much owned." This message was lost on me for a long time, until 2005 when I began to process it. That year we emptied the home where I spent the majority of my life.

Now that we're emptying the home where my grandparents lived for 40 years, I find myself thinking about it nonstop. The things in their home need a new place to live and serve a purpose. Thus the cycle of owning stuff continues, eh?

When I started working on Abandoned Allies, I made decisions that would change my life--specifically how I perceive the owning of stuff. I quit my job during a recession, which lead to a change in my perception of the world and where I fit into it.

I was spending time with people who valued the chance to live in the land of the free--having risked their lives to get here. That made realities about my old world slightly less desirable. The slow change made me see some realities I had previously ignored. I recognized my silly spending habits. I saw that what I valued (ie: where I spent my time, energy, and money) wasn't what I really longed to value.

The wool had been lifted. I began to see why people elsewhere in world might think of Americans as wealthy, frivolous, and selfish. I started to understand why they might only see raw consumerism, capitalism, and a massive waste of resources.

It changed me forever. I felt lost between the old and new worlds. The two clashed in a painful way, and I'm still struggling to figure it out.

It is a tough thing to explain. One of the vets with whom I had coffee last year explained, "The Montagnards? They have it figured out." He understood this clashing of worlds, changing values, and the truth of being somewhat lost in between them.

Regardless, here's the epiphany: you don't need stuff to be happy. That truth can be realized painfully, but it will inevitably set you free.

This Norelco razor is one of the things we found in the attic.
I've started photographing things that I think are cool.

Betty White's 90th Birthday

This photo isn't from her 90th birthday
celebration, but it's one I like a lot.
She looks so happy!

NBC recently honored Betty White for her 90th birthday.

Man, oh man. I adore Betty White--like most of the rest of the world. She's a fantastic woman: kind, funny, smart, and a little suggestive every now and then. Recently I have been reading a lot of biographies, and Betty White's was the first I finished. It was fantastic.

It's wonderful when the stars align and seemingly separate things come together without your own intent. When I started reading these biographies, I had no idea that her 90th birthday celebration was going to air. It wasn't until I finished three books--all of which overlapped one another in their discussion of the early days of TV--that I even heard the celebration was taking place. (Read my previous blog post about those books here.) I kinda like to think that's a little gift from my grandmother, who would be happy I've been reading her books.

So the stars aligned and I got to watch the Betty White birthday celebration because my kind boyfriend recorded it for me. We watched it this week, while eating a delicious dinner he cooked in honor of dating one another for a full year. What a wonderful anniversary gift--the chance to see so many of my favorite entertainment people packed into one special show.

I cried.

When Betty White came up on stage to say thank you to everyone, I choked back the unexpected tears before letting them just flow freely.

My head has been in the early days of TV because of these books. Spending a lot of time with these people hearing their life stories helps me understand them (and the industry) better. Some how I feel like they could be dear friends, you know what I mean? I've spent the past two months listening to Betty White, Carol Burnette, and Dick van Dyke talk about their work and the people they appreciate: Mary Tyler Moore, Carl Reiner, Ed Asner, and soooo many others.

And I got to see many of them on that show this week. By chance.

Now I recognize that we all want to do great work but it's a challenge for so many reasons. Life simply happens and there are no projects or paths that are easy. Every step of the way I've struggled with Abandoned Allies, but I've learned really great lessons--but I'm getting paid now to put those lessons to work and that's pretty cool.

Plus, if this stuff were really easy, the victory might not taste so sweet. It's hard on purpose. You have to really, really want it. Because making a film is damn difficult.

My other epiphany repeat: life is just a fleeting moment in time. We aren't here for very long. My grandmother lived to be 91, but even that doesn't feel like a very long time to me. I miss her terribly, and simultaneously recognize my own limited existence.

So here to you, Betty White. Thanks for having an awesome 90th birthday party, and letting little folks like me share it with you.

We Are Human

Last night I watched the Golden Globes with some friends.

While watching, I critiqued the celebrities: how they looked, what they wore, what they said. I critiqued the way the show was put together, too. Throughout the evening, some of the things I said were pretty harsh.

It is easy to judge when you're safely sitting at home in your pajamas.

In the midst of it, I realized something. We are human.

We aren't perfect. We're incredibly fragile. It's easy to be cruel. It's much more challenging to be kind, considerate, vulnerable, and encouraging.

Celebrity Biographies

My grandmother loved to read, especially biographies. Dad bought audio books to entertain her since she rarely left home in recent years. 


Grandma listened to Seabiscuit so many times it no longer played. So dad bought a second copy. (We show love in the tiny, considerate things we do, eh?)

Since she passed away last month, we have been slowly and methodically taking her things home with us. I asked dad if I could borrow the books.

I’ve finished Betty White’s Here We Go Again and Carol Burnett's This Time Together. I’m now on my third, Dick Van Dyke’s My Lucky Life In and Out of Show Business. (Coincidentally, Dick Van Dyke just made news because he’s engaged at age 86.)

Hearing Betty White, Carol Burnett, and Dick Van Dyke talk about life in show business has been incredible. It’s like riding to work with them every day. 


Betty White has told me about her marriages, love of animals, and working on Golden Girls. Carol Burnett has told me about moving to NYC, that dreams do come true, and she tugged her ear for her Nanny. Dick Van Dyke has told me about being too poor to get married, his road to success, and working with Mary Tyler Moore.

One thing common among them is a humble appreciation for doing work they loved and earning enough to put food on the table. They share the recognition that such luck is rare, but dreams do come true and anything is possible. Each took risks, followed their passion and intuition, and worked hard to keep working.

It’s no coincidence that I’m listening to these books—a girl with big dreams about making films, and trying to figure out a place in the world. 


My grandmother keeps giving me gifts, even though she’s no longer here.

Lessons from My Grandmother

My grandmother, Virginia.

My only surviving grandparent just passed away. Her name was Virginia, but her daddy called her Ginger. I call her Grandma, which sounds more like GRAN-mah.

My grandma taught me many things. Here are a few of them:

• Laugh often.
• Family is important.
• Know your roots. Share genealogy with family. Document it for those who don't care right now, but might later.
• Cook with love. Often. And share hand-written recipes.
• Be a voracious reader. On many different subjects, especially biographies.
• Write the names of people on the back of pictures so your kids will know who they are even after you're gone. But use a pen or pencil that won't destroy the picture.
• Every Southern woman has to have a garden.
• Plant things in your garden that bloom different times throughout the year. Decorate your house with the flowers.
• God is love. Pray to Him. ("I love talking to the Lord!" she said.)
• Handwritten letters can be treasured forever if preserved. Send snail mail often and don't wait for an occasion. 
• Always write thank you notes. Send them immediately afterwards, so the person knows how grateful you are for what they did for you.
• Take time to be active. Play tennis, golf, or soccer. Go swimming.
• Explore: go to the beach, mountains, or NYC. Go with loved ones. 
• Take pictures of the happy times so they'll take you through the tough times.
• Quiz your kids and grandkids on the names of your ancestors.
• Use resources wisely: money, materials, etc.
• Learn to write, sew, craft, and do artistic stuff.
• Find a new purpose for what most consider trash. It'll save you money and keep things out of the landfill.
• Dance often. Take lessons. Do a show on stage. Learn to move with the music.
• Sing proudly and joyfully. (She always asked me if I'd joined the church choir yet.)
• Celebrate the holidays as family. And be happy you're together one more time--that can always change unexpectedly.
• Go to the library. You can read plenty of books for free!
• Have a pet-friendly home. Teach your kids to respect and care for other living creatures.
• Spend time in nature. Appreciate and care for the great outdoors.
• You don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. Happiness doesn't come from owning stuff.
• Mac and cheese is baked with real cheese, and it is really good.
• Sweet tea tastes better when you add mint, especially mint from your garden.
• It's not the food, china, silver, or decorations--but the time you spend with loved ones enjoying good company that you'll remember.
• Always offer someone a beverage when they come to your home. Even if they're there to work on your house. You never know what they're going through, or how hard the day has been. A simple gesture can make a big difference. It's Southern hospitality, y'all.
• Have a front porch. With a swing. And rocking chairs. Spend time there, chatting with people you love about things you remember fondly.
• Even though you may not visit family often, you're still family. Call and invite yourself down for a visit, and let them know they can come visit you any time.
• Hug often.

These past few weeks have been tough. But today I recognized I learned so much from loving and being loved by an incredible woman like my grandmother. 

A person never quite leaves you, even though they aren't physically here on Earth. And that's amazing, isn't it? I'm still mourning, but each day gets a little easier. I'm beginning to remember how to laugh.

Mourning

My grandmother died. On December 7th, a day which will live in infamy.

This is the reason you've not heard from me in a while. I've been spending time with family. Now I'm mourning the loss of an incredible woman, and struggling to adjust to the reality that I will never see her again in this lifetime.

Mourning is tough.

It's been a while...

Well, hello. It's been a while. I hope you are well.

You haven't heard from me in a long time for a number of reasons. We had a private screening on November 17th, which took lots of preparation. Then I needed a time of recovery afterwards. And there was a time of listening, planning and open conversation while I took feedback from folks who had just seen the film.

Technology has been a beast lately, too. Old browsers are no longer supported by Goggle/Blogger. My phone has been giving me plenty of troubles. But the biggest annoyance is courtesy of my seven year old Mac G5, which can no longer do the jobs I need it to do. It's time to put that faithful, sweet horse out to pasture. I desperately needed a new computer

Feeling that I shouldn't post something that is full of complaints... I have left this blog rather abandoned. If you have missed getting the updates, know that they would have been rather whiney ones and you haven't missed much.

Life has been challenging. But it's all relative. My first world problems are silly in comparison to the challenges people face in other parts of the world. So I try to keep mum and carry on.

So here's some good news. The film actually played at the event, I have  only a few  things left to finish it, and pretty soon we will share it publicly. I've learned so much along the way. And now I can make another one faster and better. Win!

Subtitles

We are well on our way to finishing the film. We have a private screening for cast, crew, family, and friends scheduled for this month, too. Very exciting.

One thing I can't figure out is subtitles. I know how to put text on the screen in FCP, but I'm curious if there's a faster / better way to do it. I need to do some research on it, and stop fiddling with the last minute of film.

So great to have hard deadlines for motivation. I'd like to set another one for March 2012, where we can screen the film publicly. This would motivate me to get the film on DVDs, wrap up branding, and a few other things. Screening the film at IMAX, Rialto, or Carolina Theater would all be awesome.

More work to do for now, though. I'll keep ya posted!

Thoughts Regarding the Next Project

Since we're so close to finishing Abandoned Allies, my thoughts regularly turn to "what next?" A lot of people are asking me this question, too.

While I have not chosen a specific project, I do know that there will be vast improvements on the endeavor. My mind is always going about this: how can I make the next film better, more efficiently, and faster? What crew will I need to do it, and with whom do I want to work? How much will it cost to make the next one? Where will I find those resources?

It is really exciting to be thinking through these things. It signifies that I have learned so much in these past few years. It also means that I am gaining a clearer picture of the type of filmmaker I want to become, and what areas give me the most joy. I love producing, directing, researching, interviewing, and (gasp) editing.

Yeah. I hated editing at one point. It can be so tedious, lonely, overwhelming. But my career coach helped me realize how much I hated it and now ... I kind of enjoy it. Weird, huh?

As I think back on making Abandoned Allies, the parts that I enjoyed the most are what I want to focus on the next time around. The parts that I didn't enjoy? I want to find someone else that loves those tasks, and might want to work with me in such a regard.

I feel like that's one small part of what makes a great team: each person being focused on the thing they enjoy. We're all so different.

When I met with Willie, I was so curious about what he knows of sound. I could have pestered him with questions for hours. What's that button do? Why'd you chose to do that? It was so much fun to sit with someone who simply loves sound, you know?

So as we get closer to the end of this phase of the project, my mind is racing with ideas for the next project. The subject of this film has been so dynamic and interesting. It might be hard to find something I can enjoy researching so much, but I feel like "the next one" is out there waiting on me to discover it.

In the meantime, I hope to do some shorter films. Something a little silly or lighthearted might be nice, just to stretch and explore the art of making films.

We shall see!

Color Correction

Tonight we are working on color correction. This means we will edit the clips to make them look much better. I have known this was coming, so there are so many things about color in the film that bother me. I'm excited to fix those things.

Sound

Today I'm meeting with my sound engineer, Willie, who will help me with a few things. I hope he can fix some problems, as well as normalize sound so the audio is all on the same level. (That means you don't have to turn the volume up and down throughout the movie.)

Willie and I met about a year ago, if I remember correctly. He has been patiently waiting for me to finish the film since then, and we are finally meeting about sound today.

Huge milestone, to say the least. We are hustling torwards the real finish line now. More updates to come.

Chicago

View of Chicago from the Museum Campus, one of my
favorite places to stop on the way into town.

This week I was in Chicago for a short time.

It's been years since I visited friends in various corners of the world because I put myself on "lock down" to finish Abandoned Allies: no frivolous travel, spending, and extra curricular activities were temporarily put on hold.

Now that the film is almost finished and we have a private screening of the film scheduled, I am starting to come alive again. Or at least return to my old ways. I strive to be a better member of my family, reconnect with friends whom I have neglected, and travel again.

Since we're still tidying up the film, I can't quite "go hog wild" as my dad says. One small step at a time, and this time a little skip up to Chicago for two nights was just what I needed.

My friends Alex and Jessica were kind enough to host me on short notice. A few friends that have lived in Chicago for about three or four years were gracious enough to meet us for dinner while I was in town, too. (Each of them has let me stay with them, too. I'm so lucky to have such generous friends!)

My hosts (and fellow improvisers) Jessica and Alex.

Since there was little trip planning involved, I am sad that I didn't get to catch up with everyone. Next time, though, next time.

Screening of Abandoned Allies Final Cut

It's a great pleasure to share that another private screening of Abandoned Allies has been scheduled for mid-November. This will be the first time we invite all cast and crew to come together to see the FINAL CUT of the documentary--a rather monumental occasion in the life of this film. We're still sending out invites, and I hope the majority of the cast and crew will be able to join us that evening.

The milestone has me incredibly excited and simultaneously terribly nervous. The film is in great shape--so much better than it was when we shared it in July--but there are still little things I wish I had the resources to change / improve. Perhaps this is always going to be the case when making a film. I know it's true for other creative endeavors.

Nevertheless, I'm ready to share it with everyone. I can't wait until next month.

Screening of "Breakthrough" on Oct. 20th

The documentary "Breakthrough" follows several artists in their creative endeavors.

A documentary film titled "Breakthrough" will be screening in the Triangle next Thursday, October 20th at 7pm at the Rialto Theater. Tickets are $4 at the door, but only $2 if you say you're a friend of mine.

The film is a new documentary that follows the "creative quest of several local artists" and runs 51 minutes. Filmmaker Elisabeth Haviland James will introduce the film and host a follow up panel discussion. Parts of the film were shot and edited by the folks behind "Catfish," though I'm not sure exactly who helped with this new doc.

Because she is supported by two kind fellas I know, I'll do my best to be there. Let's fill the house for a fellow filmmaker, eh? Y'all spread the word!


More details are available on the Facebook event page.

Capital Leadership Initiative

The Capital Leadership Initiative (CLI) is run by the Junior League of Raleigh (JLR), and I am lucky enough to be a part of this year's program. On Monday night we had our second session at the JLR building on Hillsborough Street in Raleigh, N.C.

It's been years since I was in a leadership training course like this: sitting in a room full of passionate, motivated, professional, and incredibly intelligent women. While I was studying at Meredith College, I naively thought that environment was the norm. Leadership training opportunities were common. The camaraderie of female leaders eager to improve their skills was not rare. After graduation I soon learned that such an encouraging environment is both hard to find and incredibly valuable.

This week has reminded me that Meredith College was the right place to earn my undergraduate degree. Isn't that a great feeling? To recognize that you made the right decision?

It's an odd thing to look back on one's relatively short life and recognize all of the key moments that brought you to the present. For whatever reason, I found myself rather nostalgic as I drove home from the session on Monday.

In no attempt to brag, I must say: I have led a charmed life. I am so happy to be a part of this year's CLI program, which has already helped me greatly.

Thoughts on Being Succinct

It can be a challenge.

Studying JFK

As part of my research for Abandoned Allies, I have had the pleasure of briefly studying the life of President John F. Kennedy. I still have much to learn on many, many topics.

Yet I have never fully understood obsessions with Elvis, JFK, and Princess Di. Because these public figures changed the world so drastically and each died at a young age, reasons for the existence of such an obsession seems obvious. Curiosity has gotten the better of me over the years and so I have spent time studying each one--and have subsequently fallen in love with them along with the rest of the world. And I similarly mourned their loss as if I actually knew them once upon a time.

President Kennedy, for those of you whom don't know, is tied to the beginning of the U.S. Special Forces which is why I have been studying his life. Many people argue about the actual start of the Special Forces because its roots are traced back even further--but that's the natural course of history. One thing leads to another, which leads to another, and such is life: it is all connected and it is cyclical. That's an oversimplification, of course, but it's undoubtedly true that JFK played a key role in the development and strengthening of the U.S. Special Forces.

Ergo, I have been studying his life, presidency, and influence on strengthening a pool of talented volunteers willing to participate and lead unconventional warfare. It is absolutely fascinating, but this segment of history is clouded by his untimely death. Most of my research results in assassination conspiracies, making it challenging to easily find more about his connection to the U.S. Special Forces. I shall return to my books, where I might have more concentration information I seek--when I have more time.

I should note: this research is not as relevant as other topics in the film so I haven't allowed myself a lot of time with it. I simply find this tangent enjoyable when I return to it, and my curiosity grows stronger each time. I would love to know many more details about the Special Forces, and Kennedy's development of this elite fighting force.

The U.S. Army John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center and School is located at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina. I have been lucky enough to visit the Airborne and Special Operations Museum in Fayetteville, N.C. I remember sitting in the gift shop wishing I could afford a copy of John Plaster's SOG: A Photo History of the Secret Wars long before I had the pleasure of interviewing him in Wisconsin.

With a tripod I took a self-portrait before leaving the airport in
Duluth, MI, en route to interview Maj. John Plaster.

While the Special Forces are, obviously, a key part of the film's subject matter, I haven't delved completely into their history and JFK's critical role. And, thus, I am reminded that there are many depths to my ignorance on the subject matter I attempt to share with my generation: the history of our nation during the Vietnam War, present day foreign trade, current immigration policy, protection of human rights, and the history and culture of a people known collectively as Montagnards.

My ignorance knows no bounds, apparently. I have a lot more to learn.

For now I am satisfied with having merely scratched the surface, knowing just enough to be dangerous, and boldly serving as a humble spokesperson for this group of people that have been marginalized for so long. It's more than terrifying to know that you may be asked to speak for a group of people you're still getting to know. Therefore, I'm eternally grateful to those supporting and leading us who confirm or correct the details I share.

Should someone challenge the truth of the content shared in Abandoned Allies, I am content in continuing conversations. I have done as much research as I can with the resources available. And because of this--knowing I have done my best--I am content to offer the response, "Prove me wrong. Do your own research. Or offer me resources that will allow further investigation."

We are limited in our resources. We have done the best with what's available. And this film is a final product which I will be proud of for the rest of my life. I have faith and a lot of hope. And I look forward to the future.

Most of all, I look forward to finally sharing this story with you on screen.

Heroes Homecoming

This week I learned about Heroes Homecoming, a 10-day celebration of Vietnam Veterans to give them the welcome home that they didn't get 40 years ago. It sounds awesome, and it all leads up to Veterans Day 2011. Here's info from their website:
  

Fayetteville created HEROES HOMECOMING as our way of showing all Vietnam Veterans we remember and appreciate their courage, their sacrifice and everything they’ve done to defend our freedom – now and forever. American soldiers returning from Vietnam never received the homecoming they deserved, and Fayetteville wants to rectify that. We have a unique bond with all Vietnam Veterans, as our town was the point of departure and return for hundreds of thousands of soldiers.

As America’s First Military Sanctuary Community, we will give our brave Vietnam Veterans the welcome they so richly deserve. Fayetteville will host the Heroes Homecoming as the biggest commemoration/reunion of its kind for the 10 days leading up to Veterans Day 2011, featuring celebrations, discussions, fellowship, and memories for all those who attend.

A Love for Producing

My love for making films started early. I can't remember the beginning, it's been there for so long. Is it possible to love filmmaking as a child, without really knowing anything about it? Hollywood and the process of making a film absolutely fascinated and intimidated me.

This week I met someone who made me remember my initial relationship with filmmaking, and helped me realize how much I've learned while making Abandoned Allies. He expressed an interest in filmmaking, but wasn't quite sure exactly what he wants to do in the industry. He had a huge smile when he talked about it, and an eagerness to get started. Oh boy, do I remember feeling like that.

As I approach a huge milestone in the production of my first film and I start to think about what I want to do next, my love for producing and directing is almost tangible. There are so many different stages of making a film, and each one is so different. I have really, really enjoyed getting a taste of it all: producing, directing, interviewing, camera operation, editing, motion graphics, etc.

It's when I'm producing and directing that I feel alive. At least, I think that's what those roles are called. They might mean something different to everyone.

I enjoy the collaboration, building of a team, picking a project, getting it going, getting it finished, being on set, building relationships, helping everyone do their job well, and being a part of the project from the beginning to the end. It will be interesting to experience another project where I may hone in on that and perfect any skills currently in development.

In the meantime, there's plenty of work to be done. This weekend will, hopefully, be the last one spent in the depths of editing video. If I can get all the clips in order the way I want them, then I can send audio files off, wrap up the end credits, and start working on color correction.

We are so close. I'm unbelievably anxious to share this film with you. The time is coming, my friends. Soon. Very, very soon.

Photos from #TriFilm

Sumit, the man behind LoneRider!

Jarvis, who recently moved back to N.C., was totally cracking me up.

I wonder what's happening on that phone? I totally interrupted to take a pic. My bad.

Beth and Jim are probably talking about the film community. I love it.

LoneRider was the perfect location for such a laid back evening

#TriFilm / TFSIG Gathering

Last night about 40 local film makers gathered to drink a beer and talk shop in the tasting room at the LoneRider Brewing Company. The evening was so fun.

Soon I should have more photos to share with you. It's delightful to be in a room full of people who are passionate about film making--and really great beer!

I'm incredibly grateful to the folks at LoneRider for letting us use their tasting room for the evening. Special thanks to Christin for helping set everything up, and tending bar last night. Congrats to LoneRider for being named one of North Carolina's 25 companies to watch by the Center for Entrepreneurial Development. (Read more about this on WRAL.com.) Also, big thanks to my fellow event organizers Jim McQuaid (@turnipvideo), Zach Abrams (@compcipher), and Matt Hayhurst (@matthayhurst).

Explaining the Filmmaking Process

Compare the process of building a home to that of making a film. There are finishing touches that make it more aesthetically pleasing, like paint on a wall, base boards, shoe mold, and polished hardwood floors.

Recently I've explained the filmmaking process to the people in my life who are not familiar with it. This is an interesting position to be in, having no formal training in the art and business of making a film. I can only relate my personal experiences to help people in my life understand what I'm doing.

There are a few analogies that have helped me explain the process. The most successful, thus far, has been the comparison of making a film to building a single-family house. A home is a familiar concept. Lots of people have seen a home under construction, visited an existing home, or live in one of their own. So the comparison is a visual, familiar one that works relatively well--even if none of us are home builders.

There are many steps to building a house. Similarly, there are many steps to making a film. There are also lots of people involved, each with their own special set of skills. These people join the effort to do certain jobs, and when their part of the film making process is finished they move on. There's someone providing direction to everyone's efforts, overseeing the entire process, and making sure the work meets their standards.

Turns out, this comparison works pretty well. I spend a lot of time trying to explain what I'm doing to others because this part of the process is not often "seen" by audiences. I mean, when you watch a movie you don't often think about the editing, color, or sound--unless you're obsessive, in the business, or it is unsettling to you.


Since we're finalizing post-production, I say that we'd be working on things like baseboards, shoe mold, and paint if it were a house. These are all finishing touches that make the aesthetics of the home (or film) more pleasing. Once we have picture lock, we'll improve sound, correct color, and finalize motion graphics. Each helps tell the story and makes watching the film more pleasing--so that audiences can put their energy toward taking in new information, instead of being distracted by the quality of production.


Tangential info: This is similar in graphic design. People don't often "see" design, just as audiences don't often pay attention to color or sound unless it is unsettling. A person complains about design when it doesn't meet their needs: a menu that's illegible, road signs that mislead drivers, voter forms that fail, etc. There's a caveat, of course, because not all design is mean to be functional or even legible. David Carson, for example, said, "Don't mistake legibility for communication."

I've also found that by explaining the filmmaking process I'm getting a better understanding of it, and how I can make it more efficient. Working with my composer, for example, has taught us both that he should see the finished film so he can score certain segments.

What do you think? Does this comparison make sense, or do you have a better one? How do you explain your work so that it is more easily understood?

The Best Time for Video Editing

Six o'clock on Saturday mornings have become the best time for editing.

The moments of most intense concentration and productivity for editing Abandoned Allies have become Saturday mornings starting at six o'clock. (To many of my friends, this is laughable. Why would anyone wake up so early--especially a Saturday?) I find these to be the quietest hours, and therefore the most productive.

It's become a ritual. I wake up early, tip toe to the kitchen to feed my dog and start the coffee, then tip toe back to my office to turn on my Mac. (Meanwhile my dog eats so loudly that tip toeing is rendered pointless.) While the coffee is brewing, I start Final Cut Pro. By the time the computer and software are up and ready to roll, my dog has finished eating and the coffee is hot and ready to wake me up. I lock myself in my office with my dog and the first cup of coffee.

Then it's time to work.

In these quiet hours, I am a video editing power house. My dog rests at my feet and eventually falls asleep. I own my little world while rrelentlessly editing video. Unstoppable. In the zone. Going full force without looking back.

It feels great to make progress on these early, quiet Saturday mornings.

For so long I have had a palpable disdain for editing video. Now I have what I need and I know what I'm doing. As a result, these quiet Saturday mornings are fruitful and enjoyable. I look forward to the time I can be selfishly alone, able to delve deep into the story and let all the other noise fade away. It's just me and the machine, with the perfect conditions for working.

So much of this project has been, well, really difficult. It's a weight I carry daily. A self-imposed pressure that others in my life have trouble understanding--and that's putting it lightly.

But I see this thing as a welcomed challenge. Can I do it? When will I finish it? How will it be received? How can I make the next film better and more efficiently?

It's very hard to do, this indie film thing. But on Saturday mornings, when I have the peace and quiet I need in order to finish it--it all seems like less of a challenge and more of a joy.

Doc Director Coming to Raleigh

If you are interested in documentary films, Gary Hustwit (@gary_hustwit), director of Helvetica and Objectified, will be in Raleigh on Monday, November 7th for a special screening of his latest film Urbanized. Get more info (and tickets) here: http://urbanizedfilm.com/raleigh-durham-special-screening.

I'm really excited about this event because I heard Hustwit speak at Full Frame 2010 but was too nervous to get his autograph after the panel discussion. Looking forward to seeing his latest film, and hearing what he has to say.

Urbanized poster (source: urbanizedfilm.com)

Heavy Minds

My mind has been particularly heavy these days, as the film draws to a close. I'm unsually lost in such deep thought that I have become awkward around others when I would normally be giddy and outgoing.

The weight of everything is tough, and that is typically something I keep hidden but I find it harder to disguise these days. It rarely does any good to talk openly about your personal struggles whilst trying to overcome them; it hasn't served me well, and I think it's particularly poor form when you are leading others. But keeping that cool exterior facade has grown too challenging.

That being said, not every day is as tough as these have been. I am always grateful for this opportunity, and all of the people making it possible. The challenges I face are insignificant compared to many things others face in this world.

But if you think on it, send positive thoughts my way. I feel very fragile these days.

There is very good news just around the bin, and I look forward to sharing that with you soon.

Well, hello, Health.

Great news: I'm feeling so much better today.

For those of you new to this blog, the relevance between my personal health and the progress of Abandoned Allies might not be immediately obvious. Since I'm the producer, director, and editor of the hour-long film, it's fairly relevant. This is, after all, the diary of a documentary blog; a journal of how it came to life.

Today I attempted the first four mile run/walk since I got sick last week. It turned out to be mostly walking. These leg muscles are hating me but I feel like I'm likely to get my stride back again soon, especially since we'll get a break in the typical 90° weather by this weekend. Looks like a new season is on its way here in North Carolina.

Since I'm feeling much better, progress on the film is progressing quickly again. Annie Beth and I accomplished a lot over Labor Day weekend, so I feel we're in great shape. I have some tidying up to do now which means I need to fit B Roll to music and get picture lock, set up time to do color correction, wrap up all motion graphics, finalize end credits, and get our sound engineer going so we can normalize all audio. I'm grateful that we have a team moving these things along.

In the mean time, I'm also working with my marketing communications team to get things in order so that we have a smooth transition from post-production to distribution and promotions. This phase of the project will probably be drastically different, but I hope it'll be much more energizing. Editing has been so challenging.

Time to get back to it. More to come soon.

Health & Wellbeing. Ha.

Well, I managed to get sick again. Tonight I'm drinking hot tea and Nyquil, hoping that tomorrow I won't sneeze my way through the day.

Wednesday morning I woke up hurting and exhausted. Tried driving to Durham but 10 minutes into it, decided that it wasn't a good idea. I almost caused several accidents because I was so out of it. The rest of the day involved soup, sleep, and a bunch of mindless movies.

Thankfully I'm on my way to feeling much better now. I better start feeling well soon. This will be a long weekend no matter what.

Take good care of yourself, my friends.

Delightful Progress

This weekend turned out to be a huge success. Annie Beth and I were incredibly productive, and placed the entirety of the film's music.

As I prepare to rest tonight, I find myself very satisfied with the current state of the film. This is good thing.

It's become difficult to hide my frustration with the length of time it's taken to finish Abandoned Allies. My family, friends, and crew chide me regularly about it.

Most of the time I handle that well, but because I have grown weary it has gotten more and more difficult. I am especially disappointed in myself because Dr. Hickey and Rev. Long passed away before I could get the film finished. It saddens me deeply.

It has been a difficult road, working on the film but complaining gets me nowhere. I am not a fan of whining.

Besides, the level of supposed suffering on my account is laughable in comparison to the treatment of the Montagnards in Vietnam who are persecuted. News about such things is released regularly. It keeps my pity party in check but, more importantly, is my source of sense of urgency for ompleting the film--in hopes it may be a catalyst for change.

Once I get some rest, I shall share more details with you about placing music in the film.