A Weekend in D.C.

Next Friday I leave for D.C., and I am so excited. I love to travel, especially when it is to interview people like Mike Benge and Greg Stock. Mike and Greg are top notch folks, very helpful in my quest for the truth about the Montagnard plight.

My travel and interview plans are coming together, and I have just booked my hotel room. I am able to leave town next weekend with many thanks to the help of my sister and brother in law who have offered to watch my pitt-lab mix Louie. He's more than a handful, and it's great to know that he'll be in very capable hands. This dog has such strength, and he can knock you over in a heartbeat. He has taught me a great deal about life.

With Louie in good hands, I'll be leaving for D.C. on Friday. After I check in, I'll head into the city to capture footage of the city and related memorials. On Saturday, I'll head over to meet Mike and Greg for our second interviews. I feel like I have learned an incredible amount since I first met them this summer. In the days leading up to our interview, I have been reading and studying as much as possible so that I'm better prepared. The filmmaker in me recognizes that it is imperative you make the most of your time with together so you can interview effectively. Not only do you want to build a trusting relationship with the people you interview, you also recognize that time is money--and the more time you spend, the more money it takes to make the film (and so on). So, with each interview, I have felt a great sense of pressure to make the most of each of them. I'm actually getting a bit of a ritual down now as well.

This project has been so...unbelieveable. Seriously, I some times can't believe how lucky I am to be working on this project. I care so much about making this film, each of the people that I have met because of it, and sharing these stories with others. Each interviewee has taught me so much about dignity, hope, strength, honor, pride, trust and love. The entire process has helped me grow so much, and the subject matter is something I will care about for the rest of my life.

The other day I spoke with a fellow dreamer / filmmaker, and she told me about what was stopping her from telling the stories she had been gathering for 10 years. Like me, she was afraid that she wouldn't do them justice. She knew how important the project was, she had gotten so close to it, and she was terrified that she wouldn't be able to finish it in the manner it so rightfully deserved. It is a great weight for her to carry, it seemed.

But, that is the beauty of filmmaking. I absolutely adore the collaborative efforts it has afforded me in this short time. I have been able to meet and work with such talented, intelligent people and I know that this will grow from here. I am overjoyed at the support that has poured in from the least expected places; what a great joy.

Having just booked my hotel room, I am now off to continue preparing. There is much work to be done, many thoughts to capture, and lots of plans to continue making. I'm setting an agenda for myself so that I can accomplish all that must be done in such a short trip. Nonetheless, I can't wait to hit the road!

Photo credit: http://thewall-usa.com/wallpics/tommycanuhearme.htm.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is an interesting word. It has spawned many famous lines. Tomorrow never dies. Tomorrow, tomorrow, there's always tomorrow. Let us not put off to tomorrow what can be done today. Yes, this word, this idea of tomorrow, it is very powerful.

It is a romantic idea, indeed. One that leads us to hope, and gives us permission to dream of what may come. No matter how bad the present may be, we can always think on tomorrow's delight. No matter how poorly we flagged or failed today, we can always try again when the sun rises again. We know that nothing is guaranteed today but we hope like hell that we'll live to see another day--one that is, perhaps, even better than today.

What is it about tomorrow that is so addicting and fascinating? Why do we hang our hats on something that has not yet arrived?

For our country, tomorrow will be a very big day, indeed. Spare me the smear campaigns and slanderous accusations in this election--both locally and nationally. The world is watching, so let us behave like the gentlemen our founding fathers thought we should become. Let us not accept what one person shouts as truth, but seek our own answers. Let us hold our elected officials accountable for their promises while they remain in office, since they will be the face that the world sees instead of our own. Let us be this passionate about politics for the next four years they are in office!

Let tomorrow not begin fading passion about politics. Tomorrow is almost here. Tomorrow is the day the world waits to learn of our decision. Tomorrow is the day that we--once again--learn who will serve as the leader of our nation. Let us be great once again.

Reading, Reading, Reading

While the accounts I have been reading include very heavy subject matter, I have delighted in my reading. The accounts have hardships and moments of humor in them, and above all else they show the human condition. Last night I especially enjoyed rereading the account about Mike Benge's time as a POW in Vietnam.

Mike Benge, a man we interviewed this summer, was "an AID technician captured in the South" as it is described in the book Strange Ground by Harry Maurer. He describes the night of the Tet offensive, and how he went out the check on things the next morning. He describes the moments when he got captured:

It was ironic: The squad I got captured by was a North Vietnamese propaganda squad. And their leader--you have to imagine a North Vietnamese who really didn't have command of English trying to say, "Surrender, we will give you humane and lenient treatment." This guy had a little Hitler mustache and his hair came down in his eyes about like Hitler. It was really weird, like out of a movie. Here's this little Hitlerite guy, telling me, "Sullendah, we give you humane and renient tleatment."

His story in this book is an intense one, and I recommend you pick up a copy to learn more. He is an excellent story teller, candid and humorous. I enjoy the details he includes in his stories, like drinking coffee royals with Dr. Hickey to celebrate at his Tet party:

The Chinese firecrackers were going off, the tracers were flying. About that time an 81mm mortar landed out in front of my house. I said, "Oh, shit, Gerry, I think this is the real thing."

We were there all night long, drinking coffee royals, keeping everybody awake. Between the adrenaline of thinking you're going to get overrun and the coffee royals, we were pretty goddamn high. Nobody knew what the hell was going on.

If you want to read more about Mike Benge, here are some things I found online:

• POW Network
  http://www.pownetwork.org/bios/b/b600.htm
  
  
• The POWs We Left Behind
  http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID=905C6EEE-8142-4A9F-B348-1C03517E3797
  
  
• Not Saluting Jane Fonda
  http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=15757
  
  
• Shame on Jane
  http://www.1stcavmedic.com/shame_on_jane.htm

Mike and I are set for a second interview in a few weeks and I'm really looking forward to it. I have been learning so much about our film's subject matter, and exploring the three key points we want to make. It is a learning process, through and through.

Lunch Break Blogging: Recovering Again

Today will be my first full day back in the office, having had a cold since the middle of last week. I keep running into folks who ask, "Haven't you been sick for a while now?" I cannot tell you how absolutely exhausted I am with being sick and tired! I've been consuming mass amounts of orange juice in hopes of getting better quickly. Thankfully, today, I feel that I am heading in that direction.

Sick.

I'm sick. Again. Some how I now have a cold that has me by the throat. I've taken the day off of work to get better and plan on laying down all day. Must remember to take things slower. Every time I do try to be patient with the work, I grow ever more excited about it and want to keep working hard. It is a project that is very close to my heart, and I want to do it justice. I see how each step must be taken with the greatest integrity. It is of great importance.

Keeping On, Keeping On

Had another training at the Apple store last night. Really enjoy working with Tom. He's got a great sense of humor and is teaching me not only about the editing software, but about the art of filmmaking, too. It's one thing to teach just the software as is required, but another to share years of experience beyond what is necessary. I like it when people go above and beyond, don't you? It's a lot of fun to go in there each week and work on making this project better and better. I think we're coming to the final weeks of working on the wedding video, which makes me happy.

I'm still reading and reading and reading the transcripts. It's incredibly helpful to have the interviews in print because it helps me ingrain the messages and piece them together. What message has to come first? How do you capture your audience in the first seconds of the film, keep them interested, and then hit a climax and a quick conclusion?

You, as the story teller, help the audience care about the characters and subject matter. You have to help them care, understand, and feel what you want them to feel. The psychology of story telling is fascinating to me. I feel this story taking shape in my mind, and am so excited about sharing it with the world when the time comes. We're scanning the transcripts for important facts and powerful statements. From there, I will piece together a screenplay and we will edit it all together based on that document.

We are coordinating a few more interviews in the mean time. As of right now, it looks like I will be heading to Virginia in November and again in December for three possible interviews and some B Roll footage of the nation's capitol and Vietnam War Memorial. We still hope to interview about two others outside of those two potential trips. Details are falling into place, and that is incredibly exciting.

Until then, I will continue reading and researching!

Apple Store Training

I've got another training at the Apple store tonight. The first few months were used as introductions on how to use the creative suite: motion, soundtrack, Final Cut Pro, etc. Now we're in the throws of editing my footage from the wedding I shot for the Montagnard bride this summer. I'm excited about working on it while I'm at the store because it gives us a learning tool (that's not the boring sample footage that comes with the software), and because it means I'll be able to give it to her as a gift without taking my focus away from the big picture: finishing the first draft of the film.

The transcriptions have been a huge help, too. We've sent them to the folks we interviewed in hopes of getting comments back from them to help us stay focused on the important details. With over 330 pages of transcribed content, we hope that our interviewees can help us hone in on the very important details.

Our next steps are clear: complete the rest of the transcriptions, create the first draft of the film, share that first draft, and I think everything else after that will move very quickly. My meetings last week with volunteers (Todd, Matt and Emma) were really motivating. I let them know that I'd been sick for a while, but was back in the throws of moving forward. It feels good to have their support.

Surry and I are meeting this week to catch up, and I think that will help a lot too. It's great to have someone to sit down and regroup with, to help me stay focused. There is much to be done, and I feel like we're working in the right direction. Whew! Oh, and I finally got my ticket dropped, which saves me over $100--super exciting!

A great day today, definitely. Even more good things to come!

Mono

Just got a call from the third doctor I visited last month when I wasn't feeling well. The latest report? I was recovering from mono when I saw her. Wow, September was definitely a hard month.

Thankfully, I am feeling like my old self again. We're making forward progress on this project, and that feels wonderful. Last week I had some great meetings, and I think we'll keep the forward momentum going!

Moving Midway

Last Saturday, after I returned from Fayetteville I came home to unpack my equipment. Fairly immediately I went to Durham to watch the movie Moving Midway, where the filmmakers were in attendance for a question and answer session. How divine that I could come back from interviewing Col. Donlon and immediately go to such an event.

It was a good, locally shot film. I'm excited to see that it's gotten reviews from publications like The New York Post. It was odd to see a place I had visited years go now there in front of me on the big screen, and even stranger to see people I know interviewed for the movie. I can only imagine what excitement I'll feel to see my own film in a theater. (Gasp! What excitement!)

When my friend, Chris Moore, showed his short film Hard Stapled at the All American Film Festival, it was so incredible to see it in a theater full of people and hear them laughing in unison. What a great feeling to see my friends on the screen and hearing a chorus of laughs, knowing each of the people involved in the project. You almost have to pinch yourself to believe that it's real. And then, if you're the filmmaker, celebrate because you got the reaction you'd been hoping for while working on it. You sit there working in a semi-vaccuum and it's hard to know until you screen that film if you'll get the reaction you want.

On Saturday night, I sat in the audience as Godfrey Cheshire, the writer/director/producer, and Robert Hinton, chief historian/associate producer, sat before us to answer questions. Many people asked about the race relations, the house, and why it had to be moved. They asked questions until our time was cut off, and the conversations moved into the lobby for the next screening. I felt a tinge of disappointment, mostly at myself for not asking the questions I wanted to hear answered.

Immediately I flashed back to my experience at the Kilowatt Ours second debut in Durham, where everyone wanted to talk about anything but the filmmaking process. In front of us stood Jeff Barrie, a filmmaker showing his piece of work, and not a single person asked about the process. I wanted to stand and shout, "Tell me how you did it!?"

On Saturday night, I had to remind myself that these are people there to see the film because they care about the subject matter. It's not a room full of filmmakers, or geeks like me who want to full behind-the-sceens story. And, that's a good thing. That means the film and marketing have done their jobs--brought people out to the theater to watch movie about something they want to see.

Last Saturday I didn't chat with Cheshire (people were swarming around him), but I overheard some of my questions asked by others. You can learn a lot when you listen to conversations. I heard his answers. Throughout the film, I kept wondering about the timeline. When did he start the project? How long did it take to get to this point, here, tonight, in front of this audience? Then someone asked and I heard his answer.

He started filming it in 2003. Released it in 2007. And started screenings in 2008.

Five years?! Oh, my heart sank! I know that we've only been working on our project since March 2008 (now 8 months), but I cannot fathom it being released in 2013! Already, the number of interviewees has tripled, and we are well beyond our original deadline of completing it by September. Yes, we set these deadlines ourselves, and we went beyond the original scope of work--but the thought of having to wait that long to finish this project is painful.

I know I put too much pressure on myself. That's a given. But I have this fear that--because I'm working full time--the project is going to take a lot longer to finish. And, I'm notoriously terrible at finishing anything anyway, so I also have this fear that something will keep me from wrapping it all up the way I have envisioned it. I suppose we all have this buzz of "what-if" thoughts, like annoying mosquitos flying around screaming our fears at us constantly. We are much more fragile than we appear.

My heart sank in that moment because I'm so anxious to finish our project. Everyone is asking me about the film, how it's going, and when it'll be finished. Maybe that's just small talk, or maybe they genuinely care. Either way, I am doing my best to be patient so that we have a final product that is as excellent as it can possibly be with our given constraints. That's the most important thing to remember. Not these fears and doubts.

Oh, fear. Fear is a killer. Improv has taught me that fear is a silly, silly thing. A waste of time, really. We must face our fears and get on with life if we ever wish to accomplish anything. Doubt is the same way. We cannot fear and doubt ourselves, or we shall never cross the finish line. You cannot get on stage with nothing more than trusted teammates and an audience's suggestion, if you don't move with confidence and energy. It's impossible to have a good show if you're not making bold moves, casting fear and doubt aside like the infectious waste that they are.

Visualization. There is a powerful tool. That's something you want in your back pocket, like a fly swatter when those pesky thoughts just won't stop. "I think I can,...I think I can,...I think I can." A silly children's story, or a life lesson?

It is of the utmost importance that we finish this thing with integrity and honor because the subject matter demands it--and we demand it. We want it to be as great as we can possibly make it. But I think I will explode if it takes us five years to finish!

Seeing Moving Midway on Saturday sent me through a whirlwind of emotions. Some of them I was very familiar with, and others I was not prepared to feel. For example, Jay Spain, producer/cinematographer, and I shook hands and spoke for a while. I asked him a bunch of questions. He was very kind, which is one of the reasons I really like local events like this in North Carolina. Everyone's so kind and generous with their time and attention, something that's rare these days.

Then he turned the tables. He asked me if I was a filmmaker and I fumbled. A simple "yes" would have done, but I struggled to say it for some reason. I think I'd gotten so caught up in seeking answers that I didn't have my networking mindset on. Just as I have formed an elevator speech for the film's subject matter, I will now have to grow accustomed to identifying myself as a filmmaker. What a joy!

Pinch me! I am becoming a filmmaker.

Airborne & Special Ops Museum

After dropping Col. Donlon off just down the street from our interview on Saturday, I returned to the Moore Exposure office to pack up the equipment. With everything packed and order restored to Jean's office, I shook her hand and thanked her again for being such a kind hostess. She was absolutely amazing and accomodating. In my packed little red car, I was on the road back to Raleigh. But as I drove off, I remembered how close I was to the Airborn & Special Operations Museum and felt it would be ashame to return to Raleigh without visiting it.

And I am so glad that I detoured to visit the museum. It was well worth the time! The musuem walks you through history, and the development of the Special Forces. It was incredibly appropriate, and really helped me by visually confirming so much of my research. I'm the type of person who needs all three types of learning to make the information really stick. By reading, hearing and doing I can lock that information in and later share it with others. Being in the business of learning all of this history to share it with others, I feel the pressure of memorizing as much as possible so that I can state it with confidence (knowing it as fact) when asked. So walking through the history was pretty exciting!

Research, as I have previously stated, is part of the joy that I find in this process. It probably comes from my family, for which I am incredibly thankful. So much of my research has been focused on the Montagnard culture (with special thanks to Dr. Hickey's anthropological published work), the Vietnam War, and the history of the Special Forces. Before meeting Surry, I knew so little about the Special Forces. And now, I find myself obsessed with learning more about them so that I can speak intelligibly with others about the Special Forces. I find myself cursing the short amount of time to cover such details, too. I would love to spend all day swimming in this information. There is still so much to learn, but the museum definitely helped me solidify what I have been absorbing.

As I walked through the museum, I was taken back to the summer of my 18th birthday. It's one that will stick with me as a favorite for the rest of my life, as I was lucky enough to join my father in Bermuda and then again in France. Oh, what a summer! I look back on it with great joy, as I was so care free at the time. While in France, we traveled up the coast of Normandy and visited many important historical sites. And while at the museum yesterday, I felt like I was revisiting them all over again. How divine that I should already be introduced (much less have visited) the historical locations that were now in front of me?

I remember meeting a soldier who was unloaded on the beaches on D-Day. He was there standing in front of me, revisiting the land that once was a mission. He shared those moments before they landed and they started unloading on the beach; he said he was terrified. He talked about how he started smoking that day because there wasn't much else to do for nerves in those moments, and everyone around him was smoking anyway. They were passing out cigarettes to everyone. I wonder if I wrote down that man's name; I should look through my journals again. He has always stuck with me.

For years my sister and I groaned at the thought of looking at another bronze statue, or visiting another empty field simply because they were historical landmarks. As kids, we felt we were dragged from landmark to landmark, and forced to listen to lectures from our parents about how important each place was in history. And now, as an adult, how my opinion has changed! I recognize the importance now, and would give up so much to revisit those trips as a family. What cherished memories they are, and how saddened I am that I cannot remember each detail with clarity. This, I think, is one of the reasons I journal so much. One cannot remember those details forever.

Anyway, for anyone interested in military history, this museum is dynamite. It could take you a while to walk through the entire museum if you stop to read everything, but as I was close to starving by the time I got there I only spent about an hour enjoying the entire museum (from start to shop). The building is modern and bright when you walk in, and the displays are well designed and organized. And, did I mention, the entire thing is FREE? In today's economy, that's pretty amazing to me. It's only an hour from Raleigh, so head down there if you have a free Saturday.

By the time I left the museum, I was blissfully exhausted and hungry. I attempted to see some more historical sites, but instead headed back to Raleigh in order to see Moving Midway in Durham at 7:15 that night. Having been to Midway a few times with friends, and knowing some of the family members, it was interesting to see them on the big screen. But more on the screening later.

Col. and Mrs. Donlon

Well, yesterday will certainly go down in the history of this project as another one of the coolest ones yet. I spent all week hustling to get everything in order: coordinating details, studying history, packing equipment, charging batteries, restocking miniDV tapes, and reading the Colonel's book.

One thing I've recognized is the number of authors that we have been lucky enough to meet through this project. It has been so helpful to read their stories in great detail, each one is so unique and full of Hollywood-like action and romance. By the time I shook hands with Colonel and Mrs. Donlon, I felt as if I had sat with them for hours learning their stories.

Nevertheless, I was still nervous when it came time to sit down across from one another, and reach over to turn on the camera. Before each interview begins, I always have this wave of panic wash over me, "Will everything operate properly? Are the batteries going to die? What if the camera fails or some loud noise happens while he is saying something incredibly pertinent?" This is my first documentary, and a relatively small project in the grand scheme of things (it's all relative, as my dad says). But to me, this project is HUGE.

I want it to be the best it can be, given our restrictions. I don't want to start editing it together later, only to discover something went wrong. And, to be certain, I am sharing these details so that I will remember them later to better appreciate all of the little nagging thoughts I experience along the way. After all, this blog is titled "Diary of a Documentary" and it is very easy to forget these details once a project is wrapped up neatly. So much happens in each day, that it's tough to capture it all. (Plus, I highly doubt anyone wants to read all of that minutia anyway.)

Saturday morning, up until my arrival in Fayetteville, was full of minutia in waking up, packing the car, filling up my gas tank, etc. When I arrived, I was greeted by a warm smile and hand shake from Jean Moore, a friend of Surry and owner of Moore Exposure. She grew up in Fayetteville and works in promotions. Jean helped me carry in the many bags full of equipment, and showed me to a large room in the center of her office. She even had hot coffee, which was perfect for me during the 8am hour!

By a few minutes before 10am, I had everything set up the way I wanted it and tested the lighting and equipment. Everything seemed to be in order. So, with Jean's reminder, I drove to Haymont Grill and Steak House to pick up Col. Roger Donlon. As soon as I walked in, I recognized Norma and Roger from the picture in his book. Norma's eyes met mine, and I saw her lean over to tell him I was there. Everyone at the table stood, and all eight of us exchanged introductions and hand shakes. Instantly I could see how mesmerized Col. Donlon's audience was with his words. We walked out of (what I would learn later) was one of Col. Donlon's favorite places to eat in Fayetteville.

Not familiar with the area, I relied on my GPS heavily and was very thankful for the directions it provided once Roger was in my car so I could focus on the conversation instead of directions. We talked about the bail out, and the state of our country on the way to Moore Exposure. I've debated about recording the state of my car, but feel that it's one of those silly details I'll purposefully forget later. Let me tell you, it's so dusty! I like to ride with the windows down, which makes it pretty dusty and it's fairly embarrasing to have someone you just meet get into your dirty car. *Sigh.* These are the details of life, I suppose. I would much rather have a dirty car and be better prepared for the interview. Perhaps one day when I have a paid, dedicated crew (oh, I delight in the thought of it), I will be able to pick up VIPs in much cleaner vehicles!

Anyway, we headed back to the Moore Exposure office and reviewed the purpose of our project which are to explore the (1) strong bonds between the Montagnards and Americans, (2) U.S. government's abandonment of the Montagnards after the war, and (3) prevention of repeating this treatment of our allies again in the future, specifically in Iraq and Afghanistan. After reviewing the questions again, Col. Donlon phoned Dr. Gerald Hickey to ask a quick question and we sat down to get started immediately after that.

Our interview lasted about an hour and a half, and before I knew it our time was at and end. I truly enjoyed the interview, and was saddened to see the hours pass so quickly. I returned him to his kind wife Norma, where she disclosed that he had his Medal of Honor in his pocket. Like a little kid, I asked if I might see it. He took it out of his pocket and unfolded the ribbon, turning the medal over to show the inscription "from Congress" as we walked.

It occured to me, once again, that I am priveledged to meet these heroes by working on this project. And while we, as Americans, fawn over celebutantes and reality TV stars, there are people out there quietly and devotedly serving our country. These are the people who give and give and give, making sure that we have the right to do what we want with our time. And, here in this moment, I walked down the streets of Fayetteville in the presence of real heroes. Two people who have earned the right to shine in the spotlight, and instead continue to serve with dignity and honor.

It is almost too much. Too overwhelming. Too great an honor to serve in recording and investigating this story. I often feel too small, young and poorly prepared to do it justice. But there's the thing. I think we're often faced with great opportunities, and it is up to us to stand up and lead with integrity--no matter how small or out numbered we may be.

Forward Progress

I'm now back in Raleigh, but only for a brief time before hitting the road to Durham. At 6am my alarm clock went off, and around 7am I was on the road to Fayetteville, N.C., to film Col. Roger H. C. Donlon. I think it went well, and am so excited to have him and his kind wife Norma be a part of our project. They were so gracious and kind, as were our hosts in Fayetteville. I will write more on that later. Right now I am headed to Durham to see Moving Midway, as the filmmaker, Godfrey Cheshire, will be there for Q&A after the screening. What a wonderful day full of forward progress!

The Truth About Defeat

I’m a strong woman. Passionate, persistent and often proud. I was raised to know that failure is a way to learn, explore and grow—that when one falls, getting back up is the sign of one’s true character. But what about defeat?

All of those words of wisdom and experience are great material for writing, but when one is in the darkest moments of life they are tough to hear. In fact, it is tough to hear most anything when feeling down like that. The world seems silent. Dark. Empty. Cold and harsh.

And that is a truth about defeat that few will admit. Because when we are defeated, eroded, discouraged and in the depths of despair, it is all we can do to keep going. There is no time or inspiration for writing or exploring thoughts, even calling out for help is troublesome. It is tough to remain resilient when our hopes are dashed and our dreams discolored. But what if we are suddenly the only beacon of hope, and find ourselves leading a group of similarly distraught brethren?

In one of my interviews I spoke with a man who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam for many years. He was separated, alone, and unsure of whether or not he would see his family again. But instead of focusing on those negative thoughts, he made the most of being a prisoner of war for the sake of survival. He learned English. Learned to play the guitar. Wrote and sang love songs about his wife. And became an inspiration to those around him.

How, among so much darkness and despair, was he able to hold his head high? How was he able to see opportunity in such horrible conditions? How could I sit across from him and understand the dark details of his experience? How could I pull out those stories hidden behind his kind and warm smile?

In the moments of that interview, he started to look like my late grandfather. But it was more than his skin tone and honest eyes. It was more than his small frame that contradicted his great spirit. In those moments, I saw in him my grandfather’s warmth and kindness, strength of character, love of life and family, and hope for a brighter future. In those moments, sitting across from one anther, he took the very shape of my grandfather—a powerfully restrained man but a joker, and above all else a loving husband, father, Christian, and a Marine.

How I ached to sit across from my grandfather once more and hear his stories about serving in World War II, to hear his voice and see his smile again. How I ached just to be near him, feel his hug and powerful presence. Today, my grandmother still runs her fingers over the photo and telegram she sent to him during the war, stating that he now had a baby boy (my father). We pull out those cherished photo albums and look through the black and white prints regularly.

In the moments of our interview I saw so many similarities between this new friend and my beloved grandfather, despite drastic differences. How can I—a young, white American girl with no military experience—be lucky enough to learn about such important matters from the people that lived through them? How can I be lucky enough to be introduced to such honorable unsung heroes? At times, it feels like it’s too much. At times, I get lost in the harsh realities and feel I might explode if changes do not take shape.

Take the news articles I posted earlier for example. One article reveals negotiations between the U.S. and Vietnamese governments to clean up environmental damage cause during the war. Another reveals a mass grave of communist fighters in the central highlands. And another reveals that a journalist was arrested for taking photos of protesters. Where is the article that reveals the U.S. has decided to include human rights regulations in all of these negotiations? Where is the article that states the U.S. is addressing the plight of the Montagnard people?

My heart has ached recently. As a result of the defeat I have faced (in matters unrelated to this film), I have felt my head drop, my walk become less confident, and the smile fade from my face. Instead, my first wrinkle has appeared and my hopes have been discouraged. In the past year, I have become eroded and my passion and energy have faded. I’ve seen defeat and discouragement. And now, having connected two drastically opposite experiences, I see that the difference is not his surroundings versus mine, but rather the thoughts that spread like a sickness. Negativity is infectious.

I’m an optimist. I like to think that good comes from bad. I like to think that we can improve our lot by working hard and behaving admirably. But my optimism has been tested, and now, thanks to my Montagnard friend, I have learned (again) the valuable lesson that we cannot let outside forces affect us negatively. We cannot, no matter the circumstances, let others keep us from doing good. And, equally important, leadership is an honor and a privilege. Defeat is not an option.

In preparation for tomorrow’s interview, I have been reading a book titled Beyond Nam Dong, written by Col. Roger H. C. Donlon, the first to receive a Medal of Honor during the Vietnam War. In his book he describes his life experiences, and the moment he came across a church bulletin after enlisting in the Air Force. In the bulletin was printed the following, which feels fairly appropriate to repeat here. As I ponder thoughts of how strong these men are, how each time they were faced with a challenge they stepped up to face it, and how each time defeat and discouragement taunted them they stood with iron will against such strong forces.

Enjoy.

Philosophy of Life

Believe it or not --

Once upon a time the Devil decided to go out of business. He offered his tools for sale to whoever would pay the price.

On the night of the sale, they were all attractively displayed, a bad-looking lot. They were Malice, Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Sensuality, Deceit, and all the other implements of evil. Each was marked with its price.

Apart from the rest lay a harmless looking wedge-shaped tool, much worn, yet priced higher than any of the others. Someone asked the Devil what it was.

"That is Discouragement," was the reply.

"Why do you have it priced so high?"

"Because," replied the Devil, "it is more useful to me than any of the others. I can pry open and get inside a man's conscience with that when I could not get near him with any of the others, and once inside, I can use him in whatever way suits me best. It is so much worn because I use it with nearly everybody, as very few people yet know it belongs to me."

It hardly needs to be added that the Devil had such a high price on Discouragement that it was never sold. He still owns it and is still using it. Beware of it!

Slow and Steady

This weekend I will be heading to Fayetteville, N.C., or "Fayette-Nam" as some people call it. I've been preparing my list of things to pack for the remote interview: lights, camera, batteries, tapes, etc. And will be picking up a book written by the person whom I'll interview and will try to read as much as possible before this weekend's interview. I like to be as prepared as possible, and am keenly aware of my ignorance as a civilian lately.

In other news, though, I've been picking up steam on production again, finally having recovered from some unknown illness over the past few weeks. After having been to three different doctors, I still have no clue what was making me sick. One doc thought I had mono, another thought it was a sinus infection. Either way, all I know is that for about 2-3 hours a day I felt like myself. The rest of the hours were spent in a zombie-like state, hardly able to stand or walk. I took off almost a full week of work, sleeping through almost the entire day. It was incredibly frustrating to go from a full day of working, running 2-3 miles, working on my film to hardly able to make it to work at all. But, thankfully, I'm much better and am feeling like my old self again!

Wow, we have so much work to do before this film is finished. I'm very excited about the growth of our project, especially having the number of interviews conducted doubled from the original scope. And we have a few more people that we will interview before capping the total somewhere around 15 total interviews. Each interview takes about an hour or two on camera, plus about an hour or two to set up and strike the set (take down the cameras, etc.)--give or take depending on where/when the interviews were conducted.

This will be the first out of town interview, and I am so excited about it. I think that it will add a lot of value to the production and I'm looking forward to writing about it afterward. During the hour-long car ride, I plan on listening to the interviews we conducted already. I can put them all on my iPod Shuffle or a CD to review them. It's very helpful (like stretching before running) in preparation so that I can make the most of the time we have on camera.

Yes, there is much work to be done and frustratingly little time in each day to do it all. Patience. Determination. Ruthless committment to success. We shall not flag or fail. Slow and steady wins the race. Or, in our case, creates a final product of excellence and long-lasting value.

Plumbing and Pizza

Whew, what a day! The faucet in my house is leaking so I've been trying for months to prioritize that project (one among hundreds). The squeaky wheel gets the grease, though, no? This past week it couldn't get it to stop running blazing hot water, which I'm sure was costing me an arm and a leg. So I finally called the plumber to come out, and he gave me a hard time about using the pliers to turn off the water, which stripped the threads on the little thingy that is key to making it stop leaking.

So today I went to this little place off of Capital Blvd to get new thingies to fix the leaking faucet. Came home with my meter key to turn the water to the house back on, and after all is said and done the thing continues to leak! This is more than $100 later and the thing is still leaking hot water. Meanwhile I have been showering at my sister and brother-in-law's house while the water was off all weekend. At least I've gotten to see them more often!

So how does any of this relate to the film? Because this is the minutia that gets in the way of completing things that are of importance. This is the madness that slows down production, and it's the thing that you don't plan for when you're starting a project. I call it madness because I'm at the end of my rope with this silly faucet. Specifically how it's wasted so much of my time already, time that I want to spend on something else.

Grrrrrr. So, I turned the water to the house off again. Ordered a pizza. And started working again, at least until I can call the plumber again tomorrow.

One. small. step. at. a. time.

Adoption

Family. I am fascinated by the word. What makes someone family? Is it birth? Blood? Love? Experience? If someone sacrifices for you, do you make them part of your family?

Surry invited me to a Montagnard birthday party a week or so ago. I am fascinated by how they can fill a kitchen with food that seems to effortlessly appear from nowhere. Our Montagnard host has a way of making you feel like the red carpet has been laid out just for you. He has the best smile, and shines when Surry walks up. "Hello, Doctor!" he says as they greet each other as brothers. Two people, raised in different countries on the other side of the world now greet each other in Raleigh as brothers. They hug like family.

My family and experience taught me that during events like a party, lending a hand, helping prepare the food, or doing dishes after meals is proper. Yet, I continue to find myself in a more male role where the decision-makers of the group want to talk. It is honorable and humbling to see one of the Montagnard leaders excitedly shake my hand at our introduction, obviously having learned a little about the project. They immediately want to jump into conversation about it to learn more and offer information. After eating they wish to stay in our company and ask questions, share ideas, and explain the way things are done in their family.

Yes, family fascinates me. We are born into family, raised by a family and go on to create our own families. We join families by marriage. And we make up our own, new families. We form families from experiences like performing together on stage, volunteering to help find homes for abandoned animals, and especially serving together in combat. This is the stuff of which films are made. It is the human condition with which I am obsessed.

There are so many people in my life that have adopted me, and I am so grateful to them for it. By birth I was given an amazing family, but lately have found myself in new families. This project, for example, is creating a family of people who are interested in our forgotten Montagnard allies--a group of people willing to offer their time, efforts and money to making this project happen so that others can learn the truth.

I have learned so much. I have so much to learn.

News from Nam

Many of my interviews have revealed the rough treatment of Montagnards by Vietnamese officials. Stories of Montagnards being hunted in the jungles like animals, beaten, and refused the chance to come to America. After South Vientam fell to communism, churches were destroyed and religious freedom ended.

Here is a story of a photographer being beaten for taking pictures during a protest in Hanoi. The part that lingers in my mind? The statement at the very end, "The U.S. Embassy filed a protest with the Foreign Ministry after the incident, and the State Department has asked the Vietnamese government what it would do to prevent such incidents in the future."

Why would the State Department be asking? Should we not be demanding that changes take shape? This story illustrates the realities of so much of what I have heard during my interviews.

Vietnam alleges beaten AP photographer broke law

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) — The Vietnamese government said Saturday that an Associated Press journalist was violating its laws when he photographed a demonstration by land protesters in Hanoi, but sought to deny that he was beaten while in police custody.

AP Hanoi Chief of Bureau Ben Stocking emerged from a police station Friday with matted blood on his head and trousers, and a gash in his head requiring four stitches. He reported that he had been choked, punched and bashed with his own camera -- the last assault opening a cut in his scalp that bled profusely. After his 2 1/2 hours in detention, he immediately had to seek treatment at a private clinic for the head injury.

Nevertheless, a foreign ministry statement disputed that there had been a beating.

"There was no beating of Mr. Ben Stocking by the Vietnamese security force," read the statement attributed to Foreign Ministry spokesman Le Dung and posted on the Foreign Ministry Web site.

"Stocking broke the Vietnamese law by deliberately taking pictures at a place where taking pictures was not allowed," the statement said. "Officers who were on duty to keep the public order warned him, but Mr. Stocking did not follow."

The Associated Press stands by Stocking's account that he was assaulted and said that there was no evidence that Stocking had broken any law. It has called the treatment of him "unacceptable" and an "egregious incident of police abuse."

A video taken by an unknown cameraman and posted on YouTube showed the first part of Stocking's detention.

Before he was escorted away by a plainclothes officer and put into a choke hold, the video shows Stocking calmly standing next to a police officer in broad daylight routinely photographing the protest, which involved a long-running dispute by Roman Catholics seeking the return of what had been church land.

He offers no resistance when asked to step away and is dressed in a dark shirt and clean white trousers.

Photographs taken by the AP of him after his release a few hours later showed blood on his clothing and caking his neck and hair.

The U.S. Embassy filed a protest with the Foreign Ministry after the incident, and the State Department has asked the Vietnamese government what it would do to prevent such incidents in the future.

The U.S.-based Committee to Protect Journalists in May cited the Vietnamese government for a "recent spate of arrests, detentions, and trials of journalists in Vietnam" that it said contradicted the country's constitutional provision that "broadly protects press freedom and freedom of expression."

(Just search for the headline, and you can see the article online from the AP newswire.)

Vietnam in the News

Found these two articles interesting today:

• Vietnam discovers mass grave of communist soldiers
  http://www.wral.com/news/national_world/world/story/3501905/
  
  Posted: Sep. 7, 2008

  HANOI, Vietnam — A military official says authorities in Vietnam's Central Highlands have discovered a mass grave containing 22 sets of remains of communist soldiers killed during the Vietnam War.

  Lieut. Col. Nguyen Tien Lam of the provincial military command says it took an excavation team of 12 soldiers five days to recover the remains in Kon Tum province.

  He said Monday that the remains were discovered by a resident who was digging the foundation for a house. He says the excavation team also found personal effects, such as rubber sandals, water containers, hammocks and bullets.

  Lam says none of the remains have been identified. But he says that based on the items found at the site and accounts from residents in the area, authorities believe the remains belonged to communist soldiers killed during the Tet Offensive.

  An estimated 58,000 Americans and 3 million Vietnamese were killed in the Vietnam War, which ended in 1975.

  Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
  
  
  
• US, Vietnam open annual Agent Orange meetings
  http://www.wral.com/news/national_world/world/story/3502105/
  

  Posted: Sep. 8, 2008

  HANOI, Vietnam — The U.S. and Vietnam on Monday opened their third round of annual talks on ways to limit the environmental effects of Agent Orange, a toxic defoliant the U.S. sprayed extensively during the Vietnam War.

  Officials and experts from both countries convened a weeklong session that will include a visit to the former U.S. air base at Bien Hoa, one of several so-called Agent Orange "hotspots" where the U.S. military stored and mixed Agent Orange before loading it onto planes.

  The two sides are expected to announce plans for using US$3 million the U.S. Congress set aside in 2007 for the cleanup of dioxin, a highly toxic element of Agent Orange.

  U.S. forces sprayed millions of gallons of Agent Orange on Vietnamese jungles during the war to deprive Vietnamese troops of ground cover and to damage crops.

  Vietnam believes as many as 4 million people have suffered serious health problems associated with Agent Orange. The U.S. says the actual number is probably far lower and that further scientific study is needed to understand the link between Agent Orange and health.

  Part of the US$3 million allocation has already been set aside to help people with disabilities in Danang, the site of another former U.S. air base and another Agent Orange hotspot.

  The Vietnamese have complained that the US$3 million isn't nearly enough. They say cleaning up the Danang site alone will cost at least US$14 million.

  The U.S. counters it has spent more than US$40 million since 1989 to help Vietnamese with disabilities, regardless of their causes.

  The Agent Orange issue is perhaps the most contentious remaining legacy of the Vietnam War.

  After years of disagreement over the subject, the two sides began working together more closely two years ago to address problems linked with the defoliant.

  A joint study in Danang found dioxin levels were 300 to 400 times higher than internationally accepted limits.

  Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
  
  

Friday Already

My, how quickly the time passes! One week ago I was so anxious to start this vacation. I had my to do list prepped and was gunning to go. Flash forward a week, and I am astonished that the days have come and gone so quickly. Isn't that the way vacation always happens?

While I feel like I haven't accomplished nearly enough, despite having done quite a bit. Regardless, the to do list continues to grow. There is much to do, and I am anxious to see some more forward progress!

This afternoon, I dropped by to pick up two things Mike sent to Surry. One is a DVD of an Australian film (which I think I saw on You Tube earlier) called Americas Forgotten Allies. It's about the Montagnard people, so I am excited to see this film and study another's approach to the same subject.

Meanwhile, I continue reading Dr. Hickey's books. Shattered World is one he wrote about the 'adaptation and survival among Vietnam's highland peoples during the Vietnam War' and has eloquently and succinctly described much of what I have heard from others. He describes the world of the Montagnards:

It is a world centered on small communities where kinship is primary and resources are shared by all. The people respect the integrity of their natural surroundings, and each society has leaders who serve as stewards in preserving it. Villagers farm slopes and bottomland within the never-ending cycle of rainy seasons followed by dry seasons, of fields planted or fallowing...

The highland people could have endured without "civilized" outsiders, but that was not to be. In the late nineteenth century the mountain country came under the colonial rule of the French, and in 1955 it became part of the Republic of Vientam (South Vietnam). During the 1960s and early 1970s, the Vietnamese (from both the North and South) and the Americans inflicted devastating modern warfare that engulfed the region. The end of the Vietnam War in 1975 brought Communist rule, the harshest yet imposed upon the highland people.

The more and more I talk with people about the film (both its subject matter and the process), the more anxious I grow to finish it. We are focused on making it an excellent piece that focuses on three key points about the government's poor treatment of allies. For a country to be so young and have so much power, we certainly are not a shining example of how things should be done.

War is an ugly animal. Thankfully I have never seen it first hand. But I weep over the things that have taken place in the name of freedom. I have many strong opinions, which I am working hard to keep out of this project. I want to present these opinions and let others draw their own conclusions. I don't want the presentation to be heavy handed and full of my own opinions. But I find it is difficult to keep them to myself. Earlier this week I found these opinions spilling out to my grandmother and father, both of whom have lived through wars. My grandmother saw seven people in our family go off to World War II, and thankfully saw each of them come home again. My father saw college friends go off to the Vietnam War, but sadly never saw some of them again. Lives of people cut terribly short.

War is an ugly animal. It is fought by people. And we must seek to understand it so that we do not repeat tragedies again. We, as individuals, must rise up to demand that our leaders represent us well. We must seek to understand the dynamics of politics so that we can help shape them. We must not be lazy or disinterested. We must, as a people, unite to make this world a better place.

Mike (one of our interviewees) usually includes a quote in his emails, which I think is incredibly important. It is one of my favorites and takes on new meaning for me this year. A year in which we elect a new president, in which we hire a new CEO of our country. And a year in which we say, "Yes, we believe in the promises you made on the campaign trail. Now you have the honor of leading us. Get to work."

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke

Let the Vacation Begin

I'm now officially on vacation! Although I'm not going anywhere, and I won't be doing any R&R, I am super excited to be fully focused on the film for a full week! My to do list has been steadily growing, too. But I'm confident that this coming week will be very productive. It has been a challenge to work 9 hours, come home, work out, fix dinner and continue working. And I feel very lucky to have a full week to devote to progress with the film.

No matter how fatigued I have been lately (mostly from stresses at work), I have a healthy perspective because I know that those who served in Vietnam didn't have the luxury of leaving at the end of the work day. How silly it would be to complain of a little extra hard work to make this film come to life! Are you kidding? It is an incredible opportunity and an honor. People have been introducing me lately as, "This is Camden, and she's making a film!" How cool is that?! I can't wait to show it to people!

I've been reading as much as I can each night, and have a growing list of publications to research. Next week will be spent reading, writing and planning. Our production schedule has slowed in order for us to have a few more interviews, but I think it is quite justified and that we will be lucky to have these added experts in front of the camera. In fact, I'm really looking forward to reading, researching, memorizing, taking notes and preparing to speak with these experts. It is crafting the story that will be my big challenge after we complete the interviews.

Until then, let the vacation begin!

Becoming an Expert

No one is perfect. C'est impossible! Humans are not meant to be perfect, no matter how hard some of us try to be each day. So closely related to perfectionism is the term 'expert', a word that has always fascinated me. How can anyone be an expert? That signifies that you know ALL there is to know about any one subject. That seems like an impossible feat.

But, as my father says, everything is relative. It's not quite an impossible feat because the term expert is relative to what others know. An expert may not know ALL there is to know about a subject, but they can certainly know much more than I do about it. And, there, at that moment, the mounting pressure is relieved a bit.

It seems a great feat to position oneself as an expert, but I actually help with this feat daily at my full time job. I work with highly intelligent people, listening to their thoughts, opinions and experiences so that I can better position them as experts using my expertise in communications. And there's the word again: expert.

So, as I surround myself with people who are experts on the subject of the Montagnard people, I apply the same tactics I use at work: listen to their thoughts, opinions and experiences and soak it all in so I can learn more. The by-product? I end up learning a great deal about the subject matter as well.

And it is this part of the filmmaking process that has always attracted me, I believe. I'm one of those folks who wants to never stop learning. I am a bit of a geek in that regard (or is it dork?). I love to learn, read, explore! Most of all, I love the hunt involved in research. (And I do, in fact, blame my parents for that--in a most humble, appreciative manner.)

You hear people say they find themselves in 'uncharted territory'. I wouldn't say that's where I am at the moment, it is actually quite charted. But it is new territory to me, and that is very exciting. I have been living, breathing, studying and exploring the Vietnam War and the lives and history of the Montagnard people for months. And I find myself speaking more intelligibly about it these days.

Each conversation about the film turns from the filmmaking process to the subject matter. And it is when I am invited to talk about the Montagnard people that I really light up, I feel myself get more and more excited about it. And I find myself crafting the 'elevator speech' to quickly explain what we're working on. You only have a matter of seconds to convey the subject matter to someone who has not heard it before, and doing so succinctly and eloquently takes time and practice (which I am now getting).

Part of what I enjoy so much about social media is the spin off of conversations. One blog / vlog will lead to another conversation, which leads to another one and another one. And I think the same is truly happening with real life conversations about the film. When asked about the project, the conversation takes shape and takes different routes. And leads to other conversations with other people. And so on, and so on.

It helped Todd talk to his father about his service in Vietnam. It will help Diane now ask her friend about her dad's next book about Vietnam. And will hill help each person that is introduced to the film learn more about our allies during the war. And if that happens, then I will be pleased.

11 Days Away

It has been 11 days since I wrote last, which feels like an eternity has passed! So much happens on a daily basis with this film, that often it's tough to keep up. Originally I had hoped to be much farther ahead today than where we currently are, but we're moving full steam ahead. There are a lot of exciting developments, and I am still very amped to keep the project going! More details later, though.

Hawaii = Vietnam?

I went to see the latest Batman movie when it opened. And one of the trailers before the movie started with scenes from Vietnam, with guys in uniform running and helicopters exploding and such. It felt very real.

So real, in fact, that I immediately burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotion from the interviews I had recently conducted that these few seconds of trailer brought me to tears. It was as if these emotions rushed over me when the helicopter exploded. I felt every emotion I've been feeling during the interviews, and finally came face to face with them: empathy, sadness, fear, and confusion. In a matter of seconds, I was transformed. And all of these reactions were to a trailer in a theater, no where close to living through it in real life. All that I had felt during interviews in June, July and August came rushing to the surface I could no longer hold back the tears.

At least, until they cut to the scene where Ben Stiller lay on the ground and Robert Downey Jr. cries and the actor/director yells, "Cut!" Immediately I was transformed again, but this time I could not stop laughing. I had forgotten that Tropic Thunder was about to be released, despite making note of it prior to starting this film project.

The trailer for Tropic Thunder made me want to go see it. Not because it's a Ben Stiller movie or because it's a comedy, but because it is a movie within a movie pretending to be about the Vietnam War. I wanted to be immersed in the Vietnam War experience. I wanted to feel like I was in country, walking through the mud, sweating in the miserable heat, and unsure if I would live to see tomorrow. I wanted to know what it felt like, and what better way to visit a Communist country than via a theater in Raleigh watching a movie shot in Hawaii pretending to be Vietnam. (Sense the sarcasm about Hollywood's ways? If not, don't go see the movie, because it's full of painful, beautiful punches at Hollywood.)

The movie was good, for comedy's sake anyway. It has little to do with the Vietnam War, though. I had trouble with the plot, knowing what I now know about the real Vietnam and how they are mistreating people. But if you can control your thoughts enough to fall into that 'willing suspension of disbelief' and take it at face value, it's not a bad movie, and will certainly make most American audiences laugh a lot. I know I was laughing loudly, even as I walked out of the theater and got into my little foreign car.

What I find most interesting, is the buzz surrounding the movie. There were many activists boycotting the movie because of the use of the word 'retard' and others talking about the political incorrectness of Robert Downey Jr.'s depiction of a white Australian actor who undergoes skin tinting to play the role of a black man in the movie within the movie. What I like about the backlash is that it is a reaction to the movie. The film is powerful enough to ellicit a boycott, for crying out loud. Just imagine what other films could do.

My comments on the film are belated since I saw it mid-month, but it is relative to the project we are working on, and so I wanted to capture these thoughts. And as a filmmaker, I want to take note of how important it is to fully research and understand something (a people, a country, a war, a time period) in order to portray it for others.

It is easy to blindly accept the 'truth' portrayed, and I hope that we can inspire people to seek their own truths. Yes, we have points we want to proove, but don't take these opinions as gospel. Do research, and keep seeking the truth. One film cannot give summize everything about the Montagnard people. Ce n'est pas possible.

First Five Transcriptions

Transcriptions from five tapes are in! How exciting. Meetings yesterday with volunteers went wonderfully, and are hugely motivating to keep this project going on time. Still reading as much as possible before falling asleep at night, and playing the movie in my head. Oh, goodness, it does seem possible to have it finished! I know so!! More to come...

Lunch Break Blogging

Yesterday I filmed an interview with a man named Thomas, thanks to Surry's support in coordinating the day, time and location. What a wonderful thing to have his help in setting up the interview; it made things incredibly easy for me to focus on getting what we need on camera!

The interview went well, I believe. While I've not reviewed the tapes yet, the conversation was very good and Thomas was a passionate speaker. I cannot express my excitement when he showed up carrying a bag full of photos and books to share! He even had a photo copy of a letter to share with me, describing events that took place while he served as a leader in combat during the Vietnam War.

Yesterday was a beautiful end to what started as a very stressful day. I had been hoping for miracles, and the second he started sharing those photos a feeling of renewed strength washed over me.

Surry also helped me pack up my car with all of the equipment, which wonderfully lightened my load. Packing and unpacking the equipment is a task that I'm becoming very efficient with as we conduct each interview. I had prepared to have an hour of set up time, and completed the set up in half the amount of time. (But I suspect that Surry's help in setting up the room cut that time in half, not my own efforts!)

He shared with me three carousels of 35mm slides that he shot during Vietnam. Oh, the joy! I am so excited to have this material! As I keep playing the movie in my head, I have been pained by the lack of archival footage and imagery. Each step of the process presents a new challenge, and this one has been the thorn in my side of late. Not something which I have focused on too much, but feel it resting there just waiting to become a bigger problem down the road, you know? Any-whoo, I am very excited to now have some of those materials to sort through and trust that more are on the way. We need those images to use while others talk, so that our viewers can see and understand what the interviewees describe.

Also, I have been reading (or studying, rather) Dr. Gerald Hickey's books, and am very excited to revisit them because they so appropriately detail what I have learned during each interview. As they are on my bedside table, I cannot quote them to you here yet, but I am excited to report them very soon. For those new to the subject matter, Dr. Hickey is the expert on the Montagnard history, culture and traditions. Reading his books puts everything into perspective. More on that soon!

Surry and I spent some time yesterday reviewing the priorities on our to do lists, and at one point we simultaneously sighed. It's obvious that we have our work cut out for us, but I think that the team we're building is going to help us execute this with excellence. We have our three points to make, and are focusing on sharing those with everyone using the media of this documentary film.

Today I have meetings with two of my volunteers, which I am very excited about. Doing this project on nights and weekends lends itself to taking an incredibly long time to finish since your time is limited each day. In my marketing communications experience, you can only have two of three of the following: cost effectiveness, timeliness, or quality. It is very tough to have all three at the same time. And similarly, it is very difficult to have all three while working full time. BUT! There's the joy! It is possible when you have such a cracker jack team of volunteers like the ones we have here. I'm overwhelmed at the support they've provided and continue to offer, and trust that more volunteers will arrive soon. In the past month, I've had a few folks say they want to help, but don't know how just yet. Trust me, friends, there is enough work to be shared and we shall find a place where you can happily volunteer!

My sister called me pushy once. I balked at the statement, proclaiming that I was most certainly not pushy by any definition. Well...she has proven to be correct. I suppose I can be quite pushy, but in this situation, I am thankful for that trait. We must push forward to get this show on the road, and I believe we can get it finished in the coming month or two. I am confident that the miracle will take place, and we will be sharing the first cut very soon! It is not hopeful, it is a must.

More Filming

Had lunch with Lap on Friday, talked about how to teach his son his language. He's passionate about preserving his language and culture, something I can relate to completely. I am from Eastern NC and have very little of that accent left according to some folks. An Englishman said I sounded like a Yankee last month, others have said I sound Canadian. Anyway, I can relate to the importance of preserving one's family history and culture. I hope I can help out in some way (somewhat selfishly so that I can learn the language, too).

He allowed me the honor of filming his sister's wedding that Saturday. It was a Montagnard-American wedding led by a Spanish-speaking pastor. Very cool. The bride and groom kept thanking me, telling me that it was such a blessing. I'm looking forward to giving them the edited copy as soon as I get the chance.

We're filming another interview tomorrow. Transcriptions are in progress, as is digitizing of tapes. It's been very cool to have the work continue while I rested up (I slept 10 hours on Saturday night and woke up at 5:30am on Sunday confused about what day it was!). There's much to be done, and the pressure's on to keep it going. I think we can, I think we can, I think we can!

The Army Grows

Renewed Strength
The past weeks have left me a bit exhausted as burning the candle at both ends catches up to me. When I tell people I work full time, am creating a documentary and do improv, they question how I stay balanced. In fact, staying balanced is one of the most important things a person can do, I believe. I'm not the best example, but I do try to keep balanced by working hard and playing hard.

But lately I have found myself very cranky and irritable, quick to keep meetings running at their most efficient for lack of time to gab. When one runs so efficiently all the time, though, it leaves little time for breathing room. So, after recognizing that I've been especially cranky, I went to bed really early last night. This morning I am refreshed and renewed again!

Originally I had planned to take this Friday as a vacation day, but deadlines at work require me to stay focused there. So it is a half and half day: half working on work stuff and half working on film stuff. So, half work and half vacation (but not vacation). Ha! Try that one on for size.

Vietnamese Food and Geek Speek
Anway, I sit at Cup-A-Joe buzzed on coffee waiting for my lunch appointment at Dalat, a Vietnamese restaurant a few steps away. One of the Montagnards who has been especially kind in helping me work on this project is interested in the software we're using for the film. Being a tech geeky girl, I'm always happy to talk about the latest/greatest tech stuff (even though I'm not one of those true-blood, scientific tech geeks). I mostly drool over the equipment and how awesome it can perform. And lately, as my improv team increases its marketing efforts, I find more and more people interested in my photography, design and marketing geek side. It's exciting to have those conversations about what I love. I digress, though.

The Army Grows
This morning I got an email from Todd Weeks of GypsyQuaker, a creative professional with whom I work at Advanced Energy. He is the type of vendor you delight in outsourcing to because he is excited and hungry to work with you. I had mentioned this little side project of mine, and the undeniable need for creative professionals like designers and writers, and he has offered to help me in some capacity. It is very exciting to see the film army growing! How lucky I am to be surrounded by such creative and talented people, all willing to offer their talents to work on this project.

I find myself giving the same speach each time someone joins the project: tell me when it stops being fun for you. We need much support from so many people, and I am happy to take all the help I can get, so I have asked each one to set very clear boundaries for me. And, of course, each person with whom I am working has done just that. "No, I can't meet then because this is a priority for me." (What a joy to hear that!) "No, I'm only available to work through this month because another project will come up at that time." It's absolutely rewarding to hear these people set those very clear boundaries because it allows us all to collaborate more effectively.

While Todd and I have not set the specifics for the support he's provided, I hope he does not mind me gushing of the offer of his assistance. It is a very rewarding feeling.

Communication Continues
Emails come to me almost daily as we all collaborate on this project. It's very exciting to hear that work is moving forward without you pounding the pavement at every turn. While I have been regaining strength, Doc has been digitizing tapes, Emma has been doing research on film festivals and outlets for screening the film, Matt has been looking into films I need to see, Annie Beth has been researching how music drives the plot forward and where we can find local artists to join the project, and Surry (last but not least) has been keeping a watchful eye over the project as a whole to be sure we have all of the right people in front of the camera, and that we tell the story in the most effective manner.

Counting Down
I worke up this morning and realized we were already eight days into August. Originally I had been pushing to have the project finished by the end of August, and that seems less likely now. But, as a friend pointed out on Sunday night, these are self-imposed deadlines for a false sense of pressure to drive the project forward. I do plan to keep the momentum going, that is certain!

The Arts are Alive in Raleigh

Wow, so quickly each week passes! How is it already Sunday?

This week has been a great one, in that I have been focused on staying balanced. When I got the ticket for my tags being out I realized that I had been neglecting things in my personal life (which is pretty easy to do when the work you're doing doesn't feel like work at all). So, this week I did things that I haven't done in a while. Things that are seemingly unimportant, but are oh-so important to keeping balanced (working out, doing dishes, buying groceries, paying bills and such).

On Tuesday I went to the Sara Bareilles, Counting Crows, and Maroon 5 concert. It was an incredible night, and a much needed evening of fun. We got into the VIP tent to hear the Brooks Wood Band, a local group my friend knows. I bought their $5 CD and have been enjoying it since. They are a great local band, and the more I learn about the artists in North Carolina, the more excited I get at the thought of collaborating with them. The collaboration is really what draws me to the art of filmmaking.

And it feels like the arts are alive in Raleigh, which is a great! I went downtown today to put up fliers for my improv group and everyone was very supportive. With First Friday and so many art galleries and cool hangouts sprouting up, the outlook is truly positive for showing an indie film and that is really cool (for lack of a better term).

More to come later!

The Importance of Social Media

Without a doubt, the process by which I have been making this film would be completely different were I doing it years ago. Social media, or Web 2.0, is fascinating to watch and I have been learning all I can about it at work.

Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia is an example of social media and defines the term as

...an umbrella term that defines the various activities that integrate technology, social interaction, and the construction of words, pictures, videos and audio. This interaction, and the manner in which information is presented, depends on the varied perspectives and "building" of shared meaning among communities, as people share their stories, and understandings.

Essentially, social media tools (like this blog) are changing the way we communicate by allowing us to share information faster and easier. And it allows us to reach people that we would never otherwise reach.

For example, my last post was about a book I bought. I wrote about it the evening I bought it, and by the time I woke up the next morning he had commented on my entry! A few years ago, the two of us would have had to communicate by email or snail mail, and the likelihood of him responding might be slim to none. But today, I wrote about it and a few hours later he had responded.

There are people in social media that track and analyze things like this and could probably respond in a matter of minutes or hours. That's the speed of communication we're hitting now, which is incredibly fascinating. Of course, the phone is just as fast if someone answers, but this is all electronic connection, and because of that the echos of the initial conversations (or spirals, or threads) are the true genius. One person does something that another writes about, and then another writes about that, and then before you know it you've reached hundreds of people.

Social media is giving everyone of us a voice. It's a "power to the people" revolution. In May I attended an AMA event called Social Media Marketing Workshop, led by Jim Tobin of Ignite Social Media. The event was very helpful in showing me how to share what social media is, exactly, and why corporations are slow to jump on (when they should be tuned in and ready to act instead).

The next day I attended Blog Carolinas, a "conversation about social media in the enterprise", which was also very informative. It was great to meet other folks who were thinking about social media, and networking with folks who have the answers others are seeking.

Last night I attended a Blogger Bash in Raleigh, an event Chris Moore told me about. It is another example of how social media tools are changing how we communicate with one another. I was working the concessions stand at ComedyWorx one night and a girl told me that she just started following my feed on Twitter. We had never met in person, but because of Twitter I now had a new connection that would otherwise not exist.

The Blogger Bash was really fun. As it turns out, there were quite a few social media faces I recognized, one of which was my very first improv teacher! I had not seen him in years, and it was great to catch up and be introduced to his wife. Because of social media tools, people all over are reuniting.

The point to all of this is that social media (or Web 2.0) is expanding the means by which we make things happen. Words become more than just words, they become action. And that action leads to other action and so on. I'm still learning all I can about it so that I can better verbalize what social media is and why it is important, but I already recognize how it is changing the filmmaking process for me.

Because of social media tools, I have found support from volunteers willing to offer their time and support. And before the film has even been completed, there are people expressing their interest in seeing it. And we don't even have the film's website up and running yet! I think that is so amazing.

There is much more work to be done on the film, and I am certainly trying to stay focused on the next steps. We are almost finished with filming, and have already started the transition into post-production. Tapes are being digitized and transcribed. I've been reading books by Dr. Hickey so that I can be a better representative of information about the Montagnards. And I've been writing plans so that we can stay on track and have this thing completed in the coming months.

Yes, there is much work to be done. But for just a few moments, I wanted to pay homage to the very exciting things happening. They are not tangible for some, but for me they are signs that this film can have a lasting, positive impact.

Oh, I've also been reading Made to Stick for work, but its connections to this film project are eerily spot-on. Chapter 1 starts off with, "Every move an Army soldier makes is preceded by a staggering amount of planning, which can be traced to an original order from the president of the United States." The entire chapter was so connected to my education about the Montagnards and the Vietnam War, it could not have been more planned had a college professor outlined it in the semester's syllabus! I've been reading this book to learn how some ideas stick around longer than others, and by what process that takes shape. It, too, is fascinating.

My education continues each day. And each day I grow more and more excited, nervous and anxious at the thought of sharing this film with audiences locally and nationally. It's a project that could not be more perfect for my first film, and the entire thing has been one lesson learned after another. The more I talk about it with others in real life, the more excited I get. And the more I talk about it with my volunteer force, the more anxious I get at the thought of sharing it publicly. The idea that folks will (hopefully) want to see my first film, and (hopefully) recommend it to others to see is very exciting! Mostly because it means that more people will be aware of the Montagnard plight, and hopefully be inspired to do something about it.

The other day I was explaining some of my filmmaking mistakes to Surry, frustrated that I wasn't able to execute some of the tasks as smoothly as I had hoped. Then I remembered another book that explains how we must be free to fail when we are in a chaotic space because we're learning something new. Of course there are going to be hurdles to overcome--it's the first time I've done a project like this, and I shouldn't beat myself up over it. You fall the first time you learn to walk, right? And, besides, just imagine how EASY the next one is going to be because I've already learned things the hard way!

But thoughts about the next project, whatever that may be, will have to wait. Right now the clock is ticking and my to do list grows with every thought about this film. There is much to be done, little time to do it, and zero dollars with which to execute these plans. But that's the exciting part! Will I finish it in time? Will the final product be as good as I have envisioned it? Will miracles happen? Will there be an audience to share it with when we're ready? Will the film have a lasting, positive impact for the Montagnards?

Only time will tell, but I certainly hope all goes well. There is a force beyond my control leading this thing as it only continues to gain momentum. That is both terrifying and exhilarating in the same breath!

Another Crabtree Valley Evening

Tonight I had another training at the Apple Store on the Final Cut Pro Creative Suite. They have made a lot of improvements since I was using it almost four years ago, many of which are really exciting. Tonight we focused on a program called Motion that will allow me to zoom in/out on still photographs, which is something I had been curious about for quite some time. We only had an hour for an intro to the program, and plan on going over some more in-depth details next week.

Tom, the guy who is going over everything with me, has been really helpful. He was pretty funny tonight, and has been really patient in explaining the programs to me (especially when I ask really silly questions). I'm excited to learn the programs and spend time with them so that I know the full extent of what can be done with our film, so that it is executed as professionally as possible. To have these things at my finger tips is very exciting!

After leaving the Apple store, I was sucked in to a quick visit at Barnes & Noble again. I do love being surrounded by books. Tonight I went in thinking I could do some quick searches on filmmaking and the Vietnam War. They had quite a few Vietnam War books on sale, one of which I have been enjoying a bit this evening. It's called "The Vietnam Ware Experience" (as if you could fit that into a book). It has a lot of images and things you can pull out to read. I really like the design of the book, in that it feels like you're looking at someone's scrap book instead of a coffee table book about the war. I've been flipping through it and enjoying it a lot.

There were only a few filmmaking books that I liked, though. Most of them are film encyclopedias of sorts, and others are about how to make it in Hollywood--neither of which are of interest to me at this point. I did end up picking up a book titled "$30 Film School" which has a great opening, which I will summarize:

"I get my stuff seen worldwide. You can, too.

Don't wait for some lumbering corporation to give you permission to make your art! This book is a map for D.I.Y. (do-it-yourself) art--specifically filmmaking. Guerilla, no-budget, drive-by filmmaking, to be exact.

I will teach you some techniques--enough to get started. This is the how of filmmaking. I will then cover concept; in other words, the why. And this can be applied to any art, not just filmmaking. This is life lessons, brothers and sisters. It's The Artist's Way meets The Art of War. Grab a camera and join us!...

Books kill trees. I need trees to live. Please plant a tree after you read this book."

--Michael W. Dean

His introduction is part of what had me sold. He got straight to the info I needed, and added a little humor and 'green message' at the end. Just what I like! So, I haven't read much of the book other than the table of contents and a few chapter starts, but what I have read I do like thus far. I'm excited to read the section on promoting / selling. He adds a lot of great resources outside of just his book, too, which is something I really like.

I have no doubt that more exciting developments are to come, and when they do I will be sure to share them with you here!

As always, if you know of someone who wants to volunteer to help with the film (design, editing, marketing, promotions, hanging up fliers, etc.), I'd love to speak with them. There are many aspects to the project that cannot be completed by one person, and I am happy to work with anyone that wants to get involved. It's going to be an exciting fall this year, I can feel it.

Growing Inertia

Last weekend felt pivotal to me, as more and more people take interest in the film project. My improv team, Big Fat & Stealthy, performed to a sold out crowd! There were so many people there, a few of which are friends who recently found out about this film project. And I realized that I had not shared the news among the improv community (except for those who know me well).

Many of them asked me what I'm working on, how I got interested in the subject, and how we plan to make money off of it. It's been a very interesting series of conversations with people that I know, and each of them lights up when they hear me talk passionately about the process. And those conversations are great, because they prepare you to answer the question the next time. And the next time. And then, you are able to speak eloquently about the subject matter because you've had that practice.

Just how much effort I am putting into the film was solidified when I realized how long it's been since I have seen some of my family and friends, though. And then on Sunday I got a fairly pointless ticket from a very polite Raleigh Police officer while Surry was in the car with me. His kindness was just what I needed as I grew angrier and angrier at myself for getting a ticket for an expired tag. His perspective was a healthy one, and helped keep me on track.

In fact, his expertise and coaching is something for which I have been incredibly grateful over the years. He is undeniably a guiding light for so many people he meets, and I honestly hope that I might be able to pay that forward one day. He's reading this so I won't gush too much, but I wanted to capture how absolutely grateful I am for that support.

Each day I also feel very lucky to have a growing number of volunteers helping with the project, too. There are so many aspects to the project, and making it all come together is becoming more and more feasible with all of the well-qualified volunteers that keep knocking on the door.

Just this week alone I have gotten emails from three key individuals who are making this happen. Matthew Duckworth is capturing the footage we've shot, and has helped create a process by which we can now start editing the film together without having to drive back and forth repeatedly. Annie Beth Brown Donahue, a friend from my hometown of Little Washington, has also been incredibly helpful in gathering music samples from local artists who can help us (hopefully) create an original score! That is something I certainly had not dreamt of doing with this project because of the lack of time to focus on the organization, and she has been hustling a lot to create a pool of talent. And Emma Finch, one of my old coworkers, has been doing research on film screening venues and film festivals so that we can be sure people get to see the film. She sent me a long email the other day just full of delicious information!

And the list of volunteers continues to grow. I've been talking to graphic designers, editors and media relations experts as well. I am hoping to put together a "street team" of people who can help deliver fliers and put up posters in local businesses when we get venues and screening events organized. And perhaps even some fund raising events could take place! I had a dream about a black tie benefit, which would be incredibly cool to arrange. It would take a lot of effort, so I have not thought on it too much as I am focused on finishing the first cut of the film right now. But this visual experience continues to return to me on occasion while driving or walking, and so I feel I cannot ignore it too much.

These next two months will be absolutely critical in getting this project completed. We have a lot of work to do in order to get it finished, but I am certain it can be wrapped. All in all, I feel so lucky each day that I think on the project. And as more and more people find out about it, and as more conversations take shape on their own (without me leading the conversation to the subject of this film), I feel the inertia growing. I feel the interest growing each time someone excitedly asks when they can see it. "Soon," I tell them. "Sometime very soon!"