Forward Progress

I'm now back in Raleigh, but only for a brief time before hitting the road to Durham. At 6am my alarm clock went off, and around 7am I was on the road to Fayetteville, N.C., to film Col. Roger H. C. Donlon. I think it went well, and am so excited to have him and his kind wife Norma be a part of our project. They were so gracious and kind, as were our hosts in Fayetteville. I will write more on that later. Right now I am headed to Durham to see Moving Midway, as the filmmaker, Godfrey Cheshire, will be there for Q&A after the screening. What a wonderful day full of forward progress!

The Truth About Defeat

I’m a strong woman. Passionate, persistent and often proud. I was raised to know that failure is a way to learn, explore and grow—that when one falls, getting back up is the sign of one’s true character. But what about defeat?

All of those words of wisdom and experience are great material for writing, but when one is in the darkest moments of life they are tough to hear. In fact, it is tough to hear most anything when feeling down like that. The world seems silent. Dark. Empty. Cold and harsh.

And that is a truth about defeat that few will admit. Because when we are defeated, eroded, discouraged and in the depths of despair, it is all we can do to keep going. There is no time or inspiration for writing or exploring thoughts, even calling out for help is troublesome. It is tough to remain resilient when our hopes are dashed and our dreams discolored. But what if we are suddenly the only beacon of hope, and find ourselves leading a group of similarly distraught brethren?

In one of my interviews I spoke with a man who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam for many years. He was separated, alone, and unsure of whether or not he would see his family again. But instead of focusing on those negative thoughts, he made the most of being a prisoner of war for the sake of survival. He learned English. Learned to play the guitar. Wrote and sang love songs about his wife. And became an inspiration to those around him.

How, among so much darkness and despair, was he able to hold his head high? How was he able to see opportunity in such horrible conditions? How could I sit across from him and understand the dark details of his experience? How could I pull out those stories hidden behind his kind and warm smile?

In the moments of that interview, he started to look like my late grandfather. But it was more than his skin tone and honest eyes. It was more than his small frame that contradicted his great spirit. In those moments, I saw in him my grandfather’s warmth and kindness, strength of character, love of life and family, and hope for a brighter future. In those moments, sitting across from one anther, he took the very shape of my grandfather—a powerfully restrained man but a joker, and above all else a loving husband, father, Christian, and a Marine.

How I ached to sit across from my grandfather once more and hear his stories about serving in World War II, to hear his voice and see his smile again. How I ached just to be near him, feel his hug and powerful presence. Today, my grandmother still runs her fingers over the photo and telegram she sent to him during the war, stating that he now had a baby boy (my father). We pull out those cherished photo albums and look through the black and white prints regularly.

In the moments of our interview I saw so many similarities between this new friend and my beloved grandfather, despite drastic differences. How can I—a young, white American girl with no military experience—be lucky enough to learn about such important matters from the people that lived through them? How can I be lucky enough to be introduced to such honorable unsung heroes? At times, it feels like it’s too much. At times, I get lost in the harsh realities and feel I might explode if changes do not take shape.

Take the news articles I posted earlier for example. One article reveals negotiations between the U.S. and Vietnamese governments to clean up environmental damage cause during the war. Another reveals a mass grave of communist fighters in the central highlands. And another reveals that a journalist was arrested for taking photos of protesters. Where is the article that reveals the U.S. has decided to include human rights regulations in all of these negotiations? Where is the article that states the U.S. is addressing the plight of the Montagnard people?

My heart has ached recently. As a result of the defeat I have faced (in matters unrelated to this film), I have felt my head drop, my walk become less confident, and the smile fade from my face. Instead, my first wrinkle has appeared and my hopes have been discouraged. In the past year, I have become eroded and my passion and energy have faded. I’ve seen defeat and discouragement. And now, having connected two drastically opposite experiences, I see that the difference is not his surroundings versus mine, but rather the thoughts that spread like a sickness. Negativity is infectious.

I’m an optimist. I like to think that good comes from bad. I like to think that we can improve our lot by working hard and behaving admirably. But my optimism has been tested, and now, thanks to my Montagnard friend, I have learned (again) the valuable lesson that we cannot let outside forces affect us negatively. We cannot, no matter the circumstances, let others keep us from doing good. And, equally important, leadership is an honor and a privilege. Defeat is not an option.

In preparation for tomorrow’s interview, I have been reading a book titled Beyond Nam Dong, written by Col. Roger H. C. Donlon, the first to receive a Medal of Honor during the Vietnam War. In his book he describes his life experiences, and the moment he came across a church bulletin after enlisting in the Air Force. In the bulletin was printed the following, which feels fairly appropriate to repeat here. As I ponder thoughts of how strong these men are, how each time they were faced with a challenge they stepped up to face it, and how each time defeat and discouragement taunted them they stood with iron will against such strong forces.

Enjoy.

Philosophy of Life

Believe it or not --

Once upon a time the Devil decided to go out of business. He offered his tools for sale to whoever would pay the price.

On the night of the sale, they were all attractively displayed, a bad-looking lot. They were Malice, Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Sensuality, Deceit, and all the other implements of evil. Each was marked with its price.

Apart from the rest lay a harmless looking wedge-shaped tool, much worn, yet priced higher than any of the others. Someone asked the Devil what it was.

"That is Discouragement," was the reply.

"Why do you have it priced so high?"

"Because," replied the Devil, "it is more useful to me than any of the others. I can pry open and get inside a man's conscience with that when I could not get near him with any of the others, and once inside, I can use him in whatever way suits me best. It is so much worn because I use it with nearly everybody, as very few people yet know it belongs to me."

It hardly needs to be added that the Devil had such a high price on Discouragement that it was never sold. He still owns it and is still using it. Beware of it!

Slow and Steady

This weekend I will be heading to Fayetteville, N.C., or "Fayette-Nam" as some people call it. I've been preparing my list of things to pack for the remote interview: lights, camera, batteries, tapes, etc. And will be picking up a book written by the person whom I'll interview and will try to read as much as possible before this weekend's interview. I like to be as prepared as possible, and am keenly aware of my ignorance as a civilian lately.

In other news, though, I've been picking up steam on production again, finally having recovered from some unknown illness over the past few weeks. After having been to three different doctors, I still have no clue what was making me sick. One doc thought I had mono, another thought it was a sinus infection. Either way, all I know is that for about 2-3 hours a day I felt like myself. The rest of the hours were spent in a zombie-like state, hardly able to stand or walk. I took off almost a full week of work, sleeping through almost the entire day. It was incredibly frustrating to go from a full day of working, running 2-3 miles, working on my film to hardly able to make it to work at all. But, thankfully, I'm much better and am feeling like my old self again!

Wow, we have so much work to do before this film is finished. I'm very excited about the growth of our project, especially having the number of interviews conducted doubled from the original scope. And we have a few more people that we will interview before capping the total somewhere around 15 total interviews. Each interview takes about an hour or two on camera, plus about an hour or two to set up and strike the set (take down the cameras, etc.)--give or take depending on where/when the interviews were conducted.

This will be the first out of town interview, and I am so excited about it. I think that it will add a lot of value to the production and I'm looking forward to writing about it afterward. During the hour-long car ride, I plan on listening to the interviews we conducted already. I can put them all on my iPod Shuffle or a CD to review them. It's very helpful (like stretching before running) in preparation so that I can make the most of the time we have on camera.

Yes, there is much work to be done and frustratingly little time in each day to do it all. Patience. Determination. Ruthless committment to success. We shall not flag or fail. Slow and steady wins the race. Or, in our case, creates a final product of excellence and long-lasting value.

Plumbing and Pizza

Whew, what a day! The faucet in my house is leaking so I've been trying for months to prioritize that project (one among hundreds). The squeaky wheel gets the grease, though, no? This past week it couldn't get it to stop running blazing hot water, which I'm sure was costing me an arm and a leg. So I finally called the plumber to come out, and he gave me a hard time about using the pliers to turn off the water, which stripped the threads on the little thingy that is key to making it stop leaking.

So today I went to this little place off of Capital Blvd to get new thingies to fix the leaking faucet. Came home with my meter key to turn the water to the house back on, and after all is said and done the thing continues to leak! This is more than $100 later and the thing is still leaking hot water. Meanwhile I have been showering at my sister and brother-in-law's house while the water was off all weekend. At least I've gotten to see them more often!

So how does any of this relate to the film? Because this is the minutia that gets in the way of completing things that are of importance. This is the madness that slows down production, and it's the thing that you don't plan for when you're starting a project. I call it madness because I'm at the end of my rope with this silly faucet. Specifically how it's wasted so much of my time already, time that I want to spend on something else.

Grrrrrr. So, I turned the water to the house off again. Ordered a pizza. And started working again, at least until I can call the plumber again tomorrow.

One. small. step. at. a. time.

Adoption

Family. I am fascinated by the word. What makes someone family? Is it birth? Blood? Love? Experience? If someone sacrifices for you, do you make them part of your family?

Surry invited me to a Montagnard birthday party a week or so ago. I am fascinated by how they can fill a kitchen with food that seems to effortlessly appear from nowhere. Our Montagnard host has a way of making you feel like the red carpet has been laid out just for you. He has the best smile, and shines when Surry walks up. "Hello, Doctor!" he says as they greet each other as brothers. Two people, raised in different countries on the other side of the world now greet each other in Raleigh as brothers. They hug like family.

My family and experience taught me that during events like a party, lending a hand, helping prepare the food, or doing dishes after meals is proper. Yet, I continue to find myself in a more male role where the decision-makers of the group want to talk. It is honorable and humbling to see one of the Montagnard leaders excitedly shake my hand at our introduction, obviously having learned a little about the project. They immediately want to jump into conversation about it to learn more and offer information. After eating they wish to stay in our company and ask questions, share ideas, and explain the way things are done in their family.

Yes, family fascinates me. We are born into family, raised by a family and go on to create our own families. We join families by marriage. And we make up our own, new families. We form families from experiences like performing together on stage, volunteering to help find homes for abandoned animals, and especially serving together in combat. This is the stuff of which films are made. It is the human condition with which I am obsessed.

There are so many people in my life that have adopted me, and I am so grateful to them for it. By birth I was given an amazing family, but lately have found myself in new families. This project, for example, is creating a family of people who are interested in our forgotten Montagnard allies--a group of people willing to offer their time, efforts and money to making this project happen so that others can learn the truth.

I have learned so much. I have so much to learn.

News from Nam

Many of my interviews have revealed the rough treatment of Montagnards by Vietnamese officials. Stories of Montagnards being hunted in the jungles like animals, beaten, and refused the chance to come to America. After South Vientam fell to communism, churches were destroyed and religious freedom ended.

Here is a story of a photographer being beaten for taking pictures during a protest in Hanoi. The part that lingers in my mind? The statement at the very end, "The U.S. Embassy filed a protest with the Foreign Ministry after the incident, and the State Department has asked the Vietnamese government what it would do to prevent such incidents in the future."

Why would the State Department be asking? Should we not be demanding that changes take shape? This story illustrates the realities of so much of what I have heard during my interviews.

Vietnam alleges beaten AP photographer broke law

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) — The Vietnamese government said Saturday that an Associated Press journalist was violating its laws when he photographed a demonstration by land protesters in Hanoi, but sought to deny that he was beaten while in police custody.

AP Hanoi Chief of Bureau Ben Stocking emerged from a police station Friday with matted blood on his head and trousers, and a gash in his head requiring four stitches. He reported that he had been choked, punched and bashed with his own camera -- the last assault opening a cut in his scalp that bled profusely. After his 2 1/2 hours in detention, he immediately had to seek treatment at a private clinic for the head injury.

Nevertheless, a foreign ministry statement disputed that there had been a beating.

"There was no beating of Mr. Ben Stocking by the Vietnamese security force," read the statement attributed to Foreign Ministry spokesman Le Dung and posted on the Foreign Ministry Web site.

"Stocking broke the Vietnamese law by deliberately taking pictures at a place where taking pictures was not allowed," the statement said. "Officers who were on duty to keep the public order warned him, but Mr. Stocking did not follow."

The Associated Press stands by Stocking's account that he was assaulted and said that there was no evidence that Stocking had broken any law. It has called the treatment of him "unacceptable" and an "egregious incident of police abuse."

A video taken by an unknown cameraman and posted on YouTube showed the first part of Stocking's detention.

Before he was escorted away by a plainclothes officer and put into a choke hold, the video shows Stocking calmly standing next to a police officer in broad daylight routinely photographing the protest, which involved a long-running dispute by Roman Catholics seeking the return of what had been church land.

He offers no resistance when asked to step away and is dressed in a dark shirt and clean white trousers.

Photographs taken by the AP of him after his release a few hours later showed blood on his clothing and caking his neck and hair.

The U.S. Embassy filed a protest with the Foreign Ministry after the incident, and the State Department has asked the Vietnamese government what it would do to prevent such incidents in the future.

The U.S.-based Committee to Protect Journalists in May cited the Vietnamese government for a "recent spate of arrests, detentions, and trials of journalists in Vietnam" that it said contradicted the country's constitutional provision that "broadly protects press freedom and freedom of expression."

(Just search for the headline, and you can see the article online from the AP newswire.)

Vietnam in the News

Found these two articles interesting today:

• Vietnam discovers mass grave of communist soldiers
  http://www.wral.com/news/national_world/world/story/3501905/
  
  Posted: Sep. 7, 2008

  HANOI, Vietnam — A military official says authorities in Vietnam's Central Highlands have discovered a mass grave containing 22 sets of remains of communist soldiers killed during the Vietnam War.

  Lieut. Col. Nguyen Tien Lam of the provincial military command says it took an excavation team of 12 soldiers five days to recover the remains in Kon Tum province.

  He said Monday that the remains were discovered by a resident who was digging the foundation for a house. He says the excavation team also found personal effects, such as rubber sandals, water containers, hammocks and bullets.

  Lam says none of the remains have been identified. But he says that based on the items found at the site and accounts from residents in the area, authorities believe the remains belonged to communist soldiers killed during the Tet Offensive.

  An estimated 58,000 Americans and 3 million Vietnamese were killed in the Vietnam War, which ended in 1975.

  Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
  
  
  
• US, Vietnam open annual Agent Orange meetings
  http://www.wral.com/news/national_world/world/story/3502105/
  

  Posted: Sep. 8, 2008

  HANOI, Vietnam — The U.S. and Vietnam on Monday opened their third round of annual talks on ways to limit the environmental effects of Agent Orange, a toxic defoliant the U.S. sprayed extensively during the Vietnam War.

  Officials and experts from both countries convened a weeklong session that will include a visit to the former U.S. air base at Bien Hoa, one of several so-called Agent Orange "hotspots" where the U.S. military stored and mixed Agent Orange before loading it onto planes.

  The two sides are expected to announce plans for using US$3 million the U.S. Congress set aside in 2007 for the cleanup of dioxin, a highly toxic element of Agent Orange.

  U.S. forces sprayed millions of gallons of Agent Orange on Vietnamese jungles during the war to deprive Vietnamese troops of ground cover and to damage crops.

  Vietnam believes as many as 4 million people have suffered serious health problems associated with Agent Orange. The U.S. says the actual number is probably far lower and that further scientific study is needed to understand the link between Agent Orange and health.

  Part of the US$3 million allocation has already been set aside to help people with disabilities in Danang, the site of another former U.S. air base and another Agent Orange hotspot.

  The Vietnamese have complained that the US$3 million isn't nearly enough. They say cleaning up the Danang site alone will cost at least US$14 million.

  The U.S. counters it has spent more than US$40 million since 1989 to help Vietnamese with disabilities, regardless of their causes.

  The Agent Orange issue is perhaps the most contentious remaining legacy of the Vietnam War.

  After years of disagreement over the subject, the two sides began working together more closely two years ago to address problems linked with the defoliant.

  A joint study in Danang found dioxin levels were 300 to 400 times higher than internationally accepted limits.

  Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
  
  

Friday Already

My, how quickly the time passes! One week ago I was so anxious to start this vacation. I had my to do list prepped and was gunning to go. Flash forward a week, and I am astonished that the days have come and gone so quickly. Isn't that the way vacation always happens?

While I feel like I haven't accomplished nearly enough, despite having done quite a bit. Regardless, the to do list continues to grow. There is much to do, and I am anxious to see some more forward progress!

This afternoon, I dropped by to pick up two things Mike sent to Surry. One is a DVD of an Australian film (which I think I saw on You Tube earlier) called Americas Forgotten Allies. It's about the Montagnard people, so I am excited to see this film and study another's approach to the same subject.

Meanwhile, I continue reading Dr. Hickey's books. Shattered World is one he wrote about the 'adaptation and survival among Vietnam's highland peoples during the Vietnam War' and has eloquently and succinctly described much of what I have heard from others. He describes the world of the Montagnards:

It is a world centered on small communities where kinship is primary and resources are shared by all. The people respect the integrity of their natural surroundings, and each society has leaders who serve as stewards in preserving it. Villagers farm slopes and bottomland within the never-ending cycle of rainy seasons followed by dry seasons, of fields planted or fallowing...

The highland people could have endured without "civilized" outsiders, but that was not to be. In the late nineteenth century the mountain country came under the colonial rule of the French, and in 1955 it became part of the Republic of Vientam (South Vietnam). During the 1960s and early 1970s, the Vietnamese (from both the North and South) and the Americans inflicted devastating modern warfare that engulfed the region. The end of the Vietnam War in 1975 brought Communist rule, the harshest yet imposed upon the highland people.

The more and more I talk with people about the film (both its subject matter and the process), the more anxious I grow to finish it. We are focused on making it an excellent piece that focuses on three key points about the government's poor treatment of allies. For a country to be so young and have so much power, we certainly are not a shining example of how things should be done.

War is an ugly animal. Thankfully I have never seen it first hand. But I weep over the things that have taken place in the name of freedom. I have many strong opinions, which I am working hard to keep out of this project. I want to present these opinions and let others draw their own conclusions. I don't want the presentation to be heavy handed and full of my own opinions. But I find it is difficult to keep them to myself. Earlier this week I found these opinions spilling out to my grandmother and father, both of whom have lived through wars. My grandmother saw seven people in our family go off to World War II, and thankfully saw each of them come home again. My father saw college friends go off to the Vietnam War, but sadly never saw some of them again. Lives of people cut terribly short.

War is an ugly animal. It is fought by people. And we must seek to understand it so that we do not repeat tragedies again. We, as individuals, must rise up to demand that our leaders represent us well. We must seek to understand the dynamics of politics so that we can help shape them. We must not be lazy or disinterested. We must, as a people, unite to make this world a better place.

Mike (one of our interviewees) usually includes a quote in his emails, which I think is incredibly important. It is one of my favorites and takes on new meaning for me this year. A year in which we elect a new president, in which we hire a new CEO of our country. And a year in which we say, "Yes, we believe in the promises you made on the campaign trail. Now you have the honor of leading us. Get to work."

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke

Let the Vacation Begin

I'm now officially on vacation! Although I'm not going anywhere, and I won't be doing any R&R, I am super excited to be fully focused on the film for a full week! My to do list has been steadily growing, too. But I'm confident that this coming week will be very productive. It has been a challenge to work 9 hours, come home, work out, fix dinner and continue working. And I feel very lucky to have a full week to devote to progress with the film.

No matter how fatigued I have been lately (mostly from stresses at work), I have a healthy perspective because I know that those who served in Vietnam didn't have the luxury of leaving at the end of the work day. How silly it would be to complain of a little extra hard work to make this film come to life! Are you kidding? It is an incredible opportunity and an honor. People have been introducing me lately as, "This is Camden, and she's making a film!" How cool is that?! I can't wait to show it to people!

I've been reading as much as I can each night, and have a growing list of publications to research. Next week will be spent reading, writing and planning. Our production schedule has slowed in order for us to have a few more interviews, but I think it is quite justified and that we will be lucky to have these added experts in front of the camera. In fact, I'm really looking forward to reading, researching, memorizing, taking notes and preparing to speak with these experts. It is crafting the story that will be my big challenge after we complete the interviews.

Until then, let the vacation begin!

Becoming an Expert

No one is perfect. C'est impossible! Humans are not meant to be perfect, no matter how hard some of us try to be each day. So closely related to perfectionism is the term 'expert', a word that has always fascinated me. How can anyone be an expert? That signifies that you know ALL there is to know about any one subject. That seems like an impossible feat.

But, as my father says, everything is relative. It's not quite an impossible feat because the term expert is relative to what others know. An expert may not know ALL there is to know about a subject, but they can certainly know much more than I do about it. And, there, at that moment, the mounting pressure is relieved a bit.

It seems a great feat to position oneself as an expert, but I actually help with this feat daily at my full time job. I work with highly intelligent people, listening to their thoughts, opinions and experiences so that I can better position them as experts using my expertise in communications. And there's the word again: expert.

So, as I surround myself with people who are experts on the subject of the Montagnard people, I apply the same tactics I use at work: listen to their thoughts, opinions and experiences and soak it all in so I can learn more. The by-product? I end up learning a great deal about the subject matter as well.

And it is this part of the filmmaking process that has always attracted me, I believe. I'm one of those folks who wants to never stop learning. I am a bit of a geek in that regard (or is it dork?). I love to learn, read, explore! Most of all, I love the hunt involved in research. (And I do, in fact, blame my parents for that--in a most humble, appreciative manner.)

You hear people say they find themselves in 'uncharted territory'. I wouldn't say that's where I am at the moment, it is actually quite charted. But it is new territory to me, and that is very exciting. I have been living, breathing, studying and exploring the Vietnam War and the lives and history of the Montagnard people for months. And I find myself speaking more intelligibly about it these days.

Each conversation about the film turns from the filmmaking process to the subject matter. And it is when I am invited to talk about the Montagnard people that I really light up, I feel myself get more and more excited about it. And I find myself crafting the 'elevator speech' to quickly explain what we're working on. You only have a matter of seconds to convey the subject matter to someone who has not heard it before, and doing so succinctly and eloquently takes time and practice (which I am now getting).

Part of what I enjoy so much about social media is the spin off of conversations. One blog / vlog will lead to another conversation, which leads to another one and another one. And I think the same is truly happening with real life conversations about the film. When asked about the project, the conversation takes shape and takes different routes. And leads to other conversations with other people. And so on, and so on.

It helped Todd talk to his father about his service in Vietnam. It will help Diane now ask her friend about her dad's next book about Vietnam. And will hill help each person that is introduced to the film learn more about our allies during the war. And if that happens, then I will be pleased.

11 Days Away

It has been 11 days since I wrote last, which feels like an eternity has passed! So much happens on a daily basis with this film, that often it's tough to keep up. Originally I had hoped to be much farther ahead today than where we currently are, but we're moving full steam ahead. There are a lot of exciting developments, and I am still very amped to keep the project going! More details later, though.

Hawaii = Vietnam?

I went to see the latest Batman movie when it opened. And one of the trailers before the movie started with scenes from Vietnam, with guys in uniform running and helicopters exploding and such. It felt very real.

So real, in fact, that I immediately burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotion from the interviews I had recently conducted that these few seconds of trailer brought me to tears. It was as if these emotions rushed over me when the helicopter exploded. I felt every emotion I've been feeling during the interviews, and finally came face to face with them: empathy, sadness, fear, and confusion. In a matter of seconds, I was transformed. And all of these reactions were to a trailer in a theater, no where close to living through it in real life. All that I had felt during interviews in June, July and August came rushing to the surface I could no longer hold back the tears.

At least, until they cut to the scene where Ben Stiller lay on the ground and Robert Downey Jr. cries and the actor/director yells, "Cut!" Immediately I was transformed again, but this time I could not stop laughing. I had forgotten that Tropic Thunder was about to be released, despite making note of it prior to starting this film project.

The trailer for Tropic Thunder made me want to go see it. Not because it's a Ben Stiller movie or because it's a comedy, but because it is a movie within a movie pretending to be about the Vietnam War. I wanted to be immersed in the Vietnam War experience. I wanted to feel like I was in country, walking through the mud, sweating in the miserable heat, and unsure if I would live to see tomorrow. I wanted to know what it felt like, and what better way to visit a Communist country than via a theater in Raleigh watching a movie shot in Hawaii pretending to be Vietnam. (Sense the sarcasm about Hollywood's ways? If not, don't go see the movie, because it's full of painful, beautiful punches at Hollywood.)

The movie was good, for comedy's sake anyway. It has little to do with the Vietnam War, though. I had trouble with the plot, knowing what I now know about the real Vietnam and how they are mistreating people. But if you can control your thoughts enough to fall into that 'willing suspension of disbelief' and take it at face value, it's not a bad movie, and will certainly make most American audiences laugh a lot. I know I was laughing loudly, even as I walked out of the theater and got into my little foreign car.

What I find most interesting, is the buzz surrounding the movie. There were many activists boycotting the movie because of the use of the word 'retard' and others talking about the political incorrectness of Robert Downey Jr.'s depiction of a white Australian actor who undergoes skin tinting to play the role of a black man in the movie within the movie. What I like about the backlash is that it is a reaction to the movie. The film is powerful enough to ellicit a boycott, for crying out loud. Just imagine what other films could do.

My comments on the film are belated since I saw it mid-month, but it is relative to the project we are working on, and so I wanted to capture these thoughts. And as a filmmaker, I want to take note of how important it is to fully research and understand something (a people, a country, a war, a time period) in order to portray it for others.

It is easy to blindly accept the 'truth' portrayed, and I hope that we can inspire people to seek their own truths. Yes, we have points we want to proove, but don't take these opinions as gospel. Do research, and keep seeking the truth. One film cannot give summize everything about the Montagnard people. Ce n'est pas possible.

First Five Transcriptions

Transcriptions from five tapes are in! How exciting. Meetings yesterday with volunteers went wonderfully, and are hugely motivating to keep this project going on time. Still reading as much as possible before falling asleep at night, and playing the movie in my head. Oh, goodness, it does seem possible to have it finished! I know so!! More to come...

Lunch Break Blogging

Yesterday I filmed an interview with a man named Thomas, thanks to Surry's support in coordinating the day, time and location. What a wonderful thing to have his help in setting up the interview; it made things incredibly easy for me to focus on getting what we need on camera!

The interview went well, I believe. While I've not reviewed the tapes yet, the conversation was very good and Thomas was a passionate speaker. I cannot express my excitement when he showed up carrying a bag full of photos and books to share! He even had a photo copy of a letter to share with me, describing events that took place while he served as a leader in combat during the Vietnam War.

Yesterday was a beautiful end to what started as a very stressful day. I had been hoping for miracles, and the second he started sharing those photos a feeling of renewed strength washed over me.

Surry also helped me pack up my car with all of the equipment, which wonderfully lightened my load. Packing and unpacking the equipment is a task that I'm becoming very efficient with as we conduct each interview. I had prepared to have an hour of set up time, and completed the set up in half the amount of time. (But I suspect that Surry's help in setting up the room cut that time in half, not my own efforts!)

He shared with me three carousels of 35mm slides that he shot during Vietnam. Oh, the joy! I am so excited to have this material! As I keep playing the movie in my head, I have been pained by the lack of archival footage and imagery. Each step of the process presents a new challenge, and this one has been the thorn in my side of late. Not something which I have focused on too much, but feel it resting there just waiting to become a bigger problem down the road, you know? Any-whoo, I am very excited to now have some of those materials to sort through and trust that more are on the way. We need those images to use while others talk, so that our viewers can see and understand what the interviewees describe.

Also, I have been reading (or studying, rather) Dr. Gerald Hickey's books, and am very excited to revisit them because they so appropriately detail what I have learned during each interview. As they are on my bedside table, I cannot quote them to you here yet, but I am excited to report them very soon. For those new to the subject matter, Dr. Hickey is the expert on the Montagnard history, culture and traditions. Reading his books puts everything into perspective. More on that soon!

Surry and I spent some time yesterday reviewing the priorities on our to do lists, and at one point we simultaneously sighed. It's obvious that we have our work cut out for us, but I think that the team we're building is going to help us execute this with excellence. We have our three points to make, and are focusing on sharing those with everyone using the media of this documentary film.

Today I have meetings with two of my volunteers, which I am very excited about. Doing this project on nights and weekends lends itself to taking an incredibly long time to finish since your time is limited each day. In my marketing communications experience, you can only have two of three of the following: cost effectiveness, timeliness, or quality. It is very tough to have all three at the same time. And similarly, it is very difficult to have all three while working full time. BUT! There's the joy! It is possible when you have such a cracker jack team of volunteers like the ones we have here. I'm overwhelmed at the support they've provided and continue to offer, and trust that more volunteers will arrive soon. In the past month, I've had a few folks say they want to help, but don't know how just yet. Trust me, friends, there is enough work to be shared and we shall find a place where you can happily volunteer!

My sister called me pushy once. I balked at the statement, proclaiming that I was most certainly not pushy by any definition. Well...she has proven to be correct. I suppose I can be quite pushy, but in this situation, I am thankful for that trait. We must push forward to get this show on the road, and I believe we can get it finished in the coming month or two. I am confident that the miracle will take place, and we will be sharing the first cut very soon! It is not hopeful, it is a must.

More Filming

Had lunch with Lap on Friday, talked about how to teach his son his language. He's passionate about preserving his language and culture, something I can relate to completely. I am from Eastern NC and have very little of that accent left according to some folks. An Englishman said I sounded like a Yankee last month, others have said I sound Canadian. Anyway, I can relate to the importance of preserving one's family history and culture. I hope I can help out in some way (somewhat selfishly so that I can learn the language, too).

He allowed me the honor of filming his sister's wedding that Saturday. It was a Montagnard-American wedding led by a Spanish-speaking pastor. Very cool. The bride and groom kept thanking me, telling me that it was such a blessing. I'm looking forward to giving them the edited copy as soon as I get the chance.

We're filming another interview tomorrow. Transcriptions are in progress, as is digitizing of tapes. It's been very cool to have the work continue while I rested up (I slept 10 hours on Saturday night and woke up at 5:30am on Sunday confused about what day it was!). There's much to be done, and the pressure's on to keep it going. I think we can, I think we can, I think we can!

The Army Grows

Renewed Strength
The past weeks have left me a bit exhausted as burning the candle at both ends catches up to me. When I tell people I work full time, am creating a documentary and do improv, they question how I stay balanced. In fact, staying balanced is one of the most important things a person can do, I believe. I'm not the best example, but I do try to keep balanced by working hard and playing hard.

But lately I have found myself very cranky and irritable, quick to keep meetings running at their most efficient for lack of time to gab. When one runs so efficiently all the time, though, it leaves little time for breathing room. So, after recognizing that I've been especially cranky, I went to bed really early last night. This morning I am refreshed and renewed again!

Originally I had planned to take this Friday as a vacation day, but deadlines at work require me to stay focused there. So it is a half and half day: half working on work stuff and half working on film stuff. So, half work and half vacation (but not vacation). Ha! Try that one on for size.

Vietnamese Food and Geek Speek
Anway, I sit at Cup-A-Joe buzzed on coffee waiting for my lunch appointment at Dalat, a Vietnamese restaurant a few steps away. One of the Montagnards who has been especially kind in helping me work on this project is interested in the software we're using for the film. Being a tech geeky girl, I'm always happy to talk about the latest/greatest tech stuff (even though I'm not one of those true-blood, scientific tech geeks). I mostly drool over the equipment and how awesome it can perform. And lately, as my improv team increases its marketing efforts, I find more and more people interested in my photography, design and marketing geek side. It's exciting to have those conversations about what I love. I digress, though.

The Army Grows
This morning I got an email from Todd Weeks of GypsyQuaker, a creative professional with whom I work at Advanced Energy. He is the type of vendor you delight in outsourcing to because he is excited and hungry to work with you. I had mentioned this little side project of mine, and the undeniable need for creative professionals like designers and writers, and he has offered to help me in some capacity. It is very exciting to see the film army growing! How lucky I am to be surrounded by such creative and talented people, all willing to offer their talents to work on this project.

I find myself giving the same speach each time someone joins the project: tell me when it stops being fun for you. We need much support from so many people, and I am happy to take all the help I can get, so I have asked each one to set very clear boundaries for me. And, of course, each person with whom I am working has done just that. "No, I can't meet then because this is a priority for me." (What a joy to hear that!) "No, I'm only available to work through this month because another project will come up at that time." It's absolutely rewarding to hear these people set those very clear boundaries because it allows us all to collaborate more effectively.

While Todd and I have not set the specifics for the support he's provided, I hope he does not mind me gushing of the offer of his assistance. It is a very rewarding feeling.

Communication Continues
Emails come to me almost daily as we all collaborate on this project. It's very exciting to hear that work is moving forward without you pounding the pavement at every turn. While I have been regaining strength, Doc has been digitizing tapes, Emma has been doing research on film festivals and outlets for screening the film, Matt has been looking into films I need to see, Annie Beth has been researching how music drives the plot forward and where we can find local artists to join the project, and Surry (last but not least) has been keeping a watchful eye over the project as a whole to be sure we have all of the right people in front of the camera, and that we tell the story in the most effective manner.

Counting Down
I worke up this morning and realized we were already eight days into August. Originally I had been pushing to have the project finished by the end of August, and that seems less likely now. But, as a friend pointed out on Sunday night, these are self-imposed deadlines for a false sense of pressure to drive the project forward. I do plan to keep the momentum going, that is certain!

The Arts are Alive in Raleigh

Wow, so quickly each week passes! How is it already Sunday?

This week has been a great one, in that I have been focused on staying balanced. When I got the ticket for my tags being out I realized that I had been neglecting things in my personal life (which is pretty easy to do when the work you're doing doesn't feel like work at all). So, this week I did things that I haven't done in a while. Things that are seemingly unimportant, but are oh-so important to keeping balanced (working out, doing dishes, buying groceries, paying bills and such).

On Tuesday I went to the Sara Bareilles, Counting Crows, and Maroon 5 concert. It was an incredible night, and a much needed evening of fun. We got into the VIP tent to hear the Brooks Wood Band, a local group my friend knows. I bought their $5 CD and have been enjoying it since. They are a great local band, and the more I learn about the artists in North Carolina, the more excited I get at the thought of collaborating with them. The collaboration is really what draws me to the art of filmmaking.

And it feels like the arts are alive in Raleigh, which is a great! I went downtown today to put up fliers for my improv group and everyone was very supportive. With First Friday and so many art galleries and cool hangouts sprouting up, the outlook is truly positive for showing an indie film and that is really cool (for lack of a better term).

More to come later!

The Importance of Social Media

Without a doubt, the process by which I have been making this film would be completely different were I doing it years ago. Social media, or Web 2.0, is fascinating to watch and I have been learning all I can about it at work.

Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia is an example of social media and defines the term as

...an umbrella term that defines the various activities that integrate technology, social interaction, and the construction of words, pictures, videos and audio. This interaction, and the manner in which information is presented, depends on the varied perspectives and "building" of shared meaning among communities, as people share their stories, and understandings.

Essentially, social media tools (like this blog) are changing the way we communicate by allowing us to share information faster and easier. And it allows us to reach people that we would never otherwise reach.

For example, my last post was about a book I bought. I wrote about it the evening I bought it, and by the time I woke up the next morning he had commented on my entry! A few years ago, the two of us would have had to communicate by email or snail mail, and the likelihood of him responding might be slim to none. But today, I wrote about it and a few hours later he had responded.

There are people in social media that track and analyze things like this and could probably respond in a matter of minutes or hours. That's the speed of communication we're hitting now, which is incredibly fascinating. Of course, the phone is just as fast if someone answers, but this is all electronic connection, and because of that the echos of the initial conversations (or spirals, or threads) are the true genius. One person does something that another writes about, and then another writes about that, and then before you know it you've reached hundreds of people.

Social media is giving everyone of us a voice. It's a "power to the people" revolution. In May I attended an AMA event called Social Media Marketing Workshop, led by Jim Tobin of Ignite Social Media. The event was very helpful in showing me how to share what social media is, exactly, and why corporations are slow to jump on (when they should be tuned in and ready to act instead).

The next day I attended Blog Carolinas, a "conversation about social media in the enterprise", which was also very informative. It was great to meet other folks who were thinking about social media, and networking with folks who have the answers others are seeking.

Last night I attended a Blogger Bash in Raleigh, an event Chris Moore told me about. It is another example of how social media tools are changing how we communicate with one another. I was working the concessions stand at ComedyWorx one night and a girl told me that she just started following my feed on Twitter. We had never met in person, but because of Twitter I now had a new connection that would otherwise not exist.

The Blogger Bash was really fun. As it turns out, there were quite a few social media faces I recognized, one of which was my very first improv teacher! I had not seen him in years, and it was great to catch up and be introduced to his wife. Because of social media tools, people all over are reuniting.

The point to all of this is that social media (or Web 2.0) is expanding the means by which we make things happen. Words become more than just words, they become action. And that action leads to other action and so on. I'm still learning all I can about it so that I can better verbalize what social media is and why it is important, but I already recognize how it is changing the filmmaking process for me.

Because of social media tools, I have found support from volunteers willing to offer their time and support. And before the film has even been completed, there are people expressing their interest in seeing it. And we don't even have the film's website up and running yet! I think that is so amazing.

There is much more work to be done on the film, and I am certainly trying to stay focused on the next steps. We are almost finished with filming, and have already started the transition into post-production. Tapes are being digitized and transcribed. I've been reading books by Dr. Hickey so that I can be a better representative of information about the Montagnards. And I've been writing plans so that we can stay on track and have this thing completed in the coming months.

Yes, there is much work to be done. But for just a few moments, I wanted to pay homage to the very exciting things happening. They are not tangible for some, but for me they are signs that this film can have a lasting, positive impact.

Oh, I've also been reading Made to Stick for work, but its connections to this film project are eerily spot-on. Chapter 1 starts off with, "Every move an Army soldier makes is preceded by a staggering amount of planning, which can be traced to an original order from the president of the United States." The entire chapter was so connected to my education about the Montagnards and the Vietnam War, it could not have been more planned had a college professor outlined it in the semester's syllabus! I've been reading this book to learn how some ideas stick around longer than others, and by what process that takes shape. It, too, is fascinating.

My education continues each day. And each day I grow more and more excited, nervous and anxious at the thought of sharing this film with audiences locally and nationally. It's a project that could not be more perfect for my first film, and the entire thing has been one lesson learned after another. The more I talk about it with others in real life, the more excited I get. And the more I talk about it with my volunteer force, the more anxious I get at the thought of sharing it publicly. The idea that folks will (hopefully) want to see my first film, and (hopefully) recommend it to others to see is very exciting! Mostly because it means that more people will be aware of the Montagnard plight, and hopefully be inspired to do something about it.

The other day I was explaining some of my filmmaking mistakes to Surry, frustrated that I wasn't able to execute some of the tasks as smoothly as I had hoped. Then I remembered another book that explains how we must be free to fail when we are in a chaotic space because we're learning something new. Of course there are going to be hurdles to overcome--it's the first time I've done a project like this, and I shouldn't beat myself up over it. You fall the first time you learn to walk, right? And, besides, just imagine how EASY the next one is going to be because I've already learned things the hard way!

But thoughts about the next project, whatever that may be, will have to wait. Right now the clock is ticking and my to do list grows with every thought about this film. There is much to be done, little time to do it, and zero dollars with which to execute these plans. But that's the exciting part! Will I finish it in time? Will the final product be as good as I have envisioned it? Will miracles happen? Will there be an audience to share it with when we're ready? Will the film have a lasting, positive impact for the Montagnards?

Only time will tell, but I certainly hope all goes well. There is a force beyond my control leading this thing as it only continues to gain momentum. That is both terrifying and exhilarating in the same breath!

Another Crabtree Valley Evening

Tonight I had another training at the Apple Store on the Final Cut Pro Creative Suite. They have made a lot of improvements since I was using it almost four years ago, many of which are really exciting. Tonight we focused on a program called Motion that will allow me to zoom in/out on still photographs, which is something I had been curious about for quite some time. We only had an hour for an intro to the program, and plan on going over some more in-depth details next week.

Tom, the guy who is going over everything with me, has been really helpful. He was pretty funny tonight, and has been really patient in explaining the programs to me (especially when I ask really silly questions). I'm excited to learn the programs and spend time with them so that I know the full extent of what can be done with our film, so that it is executed as professionally as possible. To have these things at my finger tips is very exciting!

After leaving the Apple store, I was sucked in to a quick visit at Barnes & Noble again. I do love being surrounded by books. Tonight I went in thinking I could do some quick searches on filmmaking and the Vietnam War. They had quite a few Vietnam War books on sale, one of which I have been enjoying a bit this evening. It's called "The Vietnam Ware Experience" (as if you could fit that into a book). It has a lot of images and things you can pull out to read. I really like the design of the book, in that it feels like you're looking at someone's scrap book instead of a coffee table book about the war. I've been flipping through it and enjoying it a lot.

There were only a few filmmaking books that I liked, though. Most of them are film encyclopedias of sorts, and others are about how to make it in Hollywood--neither of which are of interest to me at this point. I did end up picking up a book titled "$30 Film School" which has a great opening, which I will summarize:

"I get my stuff seen worldwide. You can, too.

Don't wait for some lumbering corporation to give you permission to make your art! This book is a map for D.I.Y. (do-it-yourself) art--specifically filmmaking. Guerilla, no-budget, drive-by filmmaking, to be exact.

I will teach you some techniques--enough to get started. This is the how of filmmaking. I will then cover concept; in other words, the why. And this can be applied to any art, not just filmmaking. This is life lessons, brothers and sisters. It's The Artist's Way meets The Art of War. Grab a camera and join us!...

Books kill trees. I need trees to live. Please plant a tree after you read this book."

--Michael W. Dean

His introduction is part of what had me sold. He got straight to the info I needed, and added a little humor and 'green message' at the end. Just what I like! So, I haven't read much of the book other than the table of contents and a few chapter starts, but what I have read I do like thus far. I'm excited to read the section on promoting / selling. He adds a lot of great resources outside of just his book, too, which is something I really like.

I have no doubt that more exciting developments are to come, and when they do I will be sure to share them with you here!

As always, if you know of someone who wants to volunteer to help with the film (design, editing, marketing, promotions, hanging up fliers, etc.), I'd love to speak with them. There are many aspects to the project that cannot be completed by one person, and I am happy to work with anyone that wants to get involved. It's going to be an exciting fall this year, I can feel it.

Growing Inertia

Last weekend felt pivotal to me, as more and more people take interest in the film project. My improv team, Big Fat & Stealthy, performed to a sold out crowd! There were so many people there, a few of which are friends who recently found out about this film project. And I realized that I had not shared the news among the improv community (except for those who know me well).

Many of them asked me what I'm working on, how I got interested in the subject, and how we plan to make money off of it. It's been a very interesting series of conversations with people that I know, and each of them lights up when they hear me talk passionately about the process. And those conversations are great, because they prepare you to answer the question the next time. And the next time. And then, you are able to speak eloquently about the subject matter because you've had that practice.

Just how much effort I am putting into the film was solidified when I realized how long it's been since I have seen some of my family and friends, though. And then on Sunday I got a fairly pointless ticket from a very polite Raleigh Police officer while Surry was in the car with me. His kindness was just what I needed as I grew angrier and angrier at myself for getting a ticket for an expired tag. His perspective was a healthy one, and helped keep me on track.

In fact, his expertise and coaching is something for which I have been incredibly grateful over the years. He is undeniably a guiding light for so many people he meets, and I honestly hope that I might be able to pay that forward one day. He's reading this so I won't gush too much, but I wanted to capture how absolutely grateful I am for that support.

Each day I also feel very lucky to have a growing number of volunteers helping with the project, too. There are so many aspects to the project, and making it all come together is becoming more and more feasible with all of the well-qualified volunteers that keep knocking on the door.

Just this week alone I have gotten emails from three key individuals who are making this happen. Matthew Duckworth is capturing the footage we've shot, and has helped create a process by which we can now start editing the film together without having to drive back and forth repeatedly. Annie Beth Brown Donahue, a friend from my hometown of Little Washington, has also been incredibly helpful in gathering music samples from local artists who can help us (hopefully) create an original score! That is something I certainly had not dreamt of doing with this project because of the lack of time to focus on the organization, and she has been hustling a lot to create a pool of talent. And Emma Finch, one of my old coworkers, has been doing research on film screening venues and film festivals so that we can be sure people get to see the film. She sent me a long email the other day just full of delicious information!

And the list of volunteers continues to grow. I've been talking to graphic designers, editors and media relations experts as well. I am hoping to put together a "street team" of people who can help deliver fliers and put up posters in local businesses when we get venues and screening events organized. And perhaps even some fund raising events could take place! I had a dream about a black tie benefit, which would be incredibly cool to arrange. It would take a lot of effort, so I have not thought on it too much as I am focused on finishing the first cut of the film right now. But this visual experience continues to return to me on occasion while driving or walking, and so I feel I cannot ignore it too much.

These next two months will be absolutely critical in getting this project completed. We have a lot of work to do in order to get it finished, but I am certain it can be wrapped. All in all, I feel so lucky each day that I think on the project. And as more and more people find out about it, and as more conversations take shape on their own (without me leading the conversation to the subject of this film), I feel the inertia growing. I feel the interest growing each time someone excitedly asks when they can see it. "Soon," I tell them. "Sometime very soon!"

Social Media

The impact social media has had on this film, has been really impressive. I'd like to write on it more, but for now I'll post a video that I found on YouTube. If you want, you can see others that are part of the series on YouTube. Fairly interesting!

We had a full day today. More information to come.



http://youtube.com/watch?v=LiwHdC9bo38

Research, Filming Continues

My father is an historian. He's an underwater archaeologist, actually. For a living he surveys things that were once above water but have now found a semi-final resting place below the surface. Using sonar, remote operative vehicles (ROVs), SCUBA equipment, and his wisdom from years of experience he finds things and tells other people what he thinks they are--whether they are small artifacts like shoes or china, or larger targets like when he identified the Monitor or the Water Witch. 

My point is that a lot of folks see what they want to when they talk with him: media attention, globe trotting or the adventure of being at sea a lot. Often they fail to recognize the amount of research that goes into the work he does, though. The hours that he spends reading, writing and reporting on the work he does. This is the work that is done in quiet, behind the scenes. And I think it's because of my parents, because of the background they gave me as a child, that I truly appreciate the research portion of any project.

When we first began this adventure in March, I dove straight in to the research trying to learn as much as I could. Now I'm revisiting the articles and books with a new appreciation for them. And I continue to be showered with more information daily. It is wonderful! 

There is some small part of me that wants to be a Ph.D. like my father, a respected expert on something historical. (Although he would never label himself as such.) I have learned so much from my parents! The research is so important...my mom never let me get away without looking up the definition of a word on my own when I asked her what something meant. "Go look it up!" 

 In an attempt to learn more about the Special Forces, I signed up to "get more information" on the U.S. Army website. A few days later, I got a letter and brochure in the mail touting the benefits of serving:

Dear Camden:

 

Thanks for your interest in the United States Army's Special Forces. As you know, the Green Berets are an intensely focused team made up of Soldiers with outstanding mental and physical skills. These specialized units undertake missions that are often highly classified and require greater responsibility than the lager more general-purposed forces. In many ways, they are on of the Army's greatest assets.

 

Being a Special Forces Soldier, you will be among a highly trained few that are equipped to carry out crucial missions. You'll be expertly skilled in small unit warfare and equally skilled in humanitarian efforts to aid indigenous populations. The foreign language training we give you will be useful as you help in building first time democratic societies. In addition, you will provide the American military with deep reconnaissance. As you push yourself to new heights mentally and physically, you will be proud to wear the Green Beret. It is truly an extraordinary accomplishment...

They go on about joining, but these two paragraphs sum up what I have learned thus far about the Special Forces. I spent some time on June 9th doing research in a Wake County library so that I can better understand what it's like to be in combat. Having never lived through anything like it, I have only my research and imagination to fill in those holes. I have never been to Vietnam, and so I rely on pictures and stories to help me understand what it was like to be there--all of which will help me retell the story as a documentary film. 

The Art of War and Masters of Chaos 

There were two books that I skimmed while I was there: The Art of War and Masters of Chaos. Ironically, I had picked up The Art of War when I was in Barnes & Noble a few weeks ago, but decided that I shouldn't spend too much time on that so I could focus on other things. (Using one's time wisely is so important in this process!) But now I realize that might have been a bit short sighted because it is so connected to the Montagnards after having a conversation last night. The way their culture developed and was impacted by others is directly tied to the art of war. A nation that cannot defend itself will fall to outside forces. 

During one of the interviews, someone looked me deep in the eye and said something to the affect of, "Why start a war that cannot be won? That's wrong!" 

The Vietnam War, and the details surrounding it, are critical for my understanding because I was not there and did not live through it. And, more importantly, because the events had a direct impact on the Montagnards. Understanding the art of war is the essence of what we're exploring!

"Warfare is the greatest affair of state, the basis of life and death, the Tao to survival or extinction. It must be thoroughly pondered and analyzed." --Sun-Tzu, The Art of War

The second book has helped me recognize patterns and connections as well. It is interesting to read the conclusions others have drawn, similarities between the Vietnam War and what is happening right now in the Middle East. I am fascinated by it, and wish I had more time to explore the topic (but want to instead focus on learning more about the Montagnard-American history right now). Nevertheles, Masters of Chaos explores the history of the Special Forces which has been helpful information for me as well:

This is the story of the Special Forces soldiers and the missions they have carried out over the last 15 years. Through them the larger story is told--of the renaissance of a unique military unit that was nearly disbanded after the Vietnam War but which now is in high demand. The war in Afghanistan brough the deeds of the Special Forces onto the front pages of the newspapers, which captured in vivid photographs and stories the men on horseback who used lasers to direct precision bombs at Taliban targets. Far less has been written about their subsequent roles in Operation Iraqi Freedom where even more Special Forces soldiers were deployed than in Vietnam. Although the image of the Special Forces soldier now may be more familiar to the average American, the reality of who he is and what he does remains largely shrouded in mystery and misconceptions.

The two books, as I previously mentioned, have helped me recognize (again!) that the topic we're exploring is of great importance. And that sharing this information with the greatest integrity is crucial. So that the same outcome is not duplicated in Iraq and Afghanistan, we must do our homework and be sure that every step of this project is done in excellence. 

My hope for this film is that it will stir Americans to seek more information so that we--as individuals, as a people, as a country--can be better world leaders. I sat across from a man last night who gently told me that his people had been abandoned by my country. He said that his people had fought with us and died for nothing, and that is unjust in every way. 

Being Politically Correct 

Last night I also learned more details about the terms 'Montagnard' and 'Dega', as I have been very curious what names should be used for one to be politically correct. There are many similarities between this group of people and the Native Americans / Indians. The different tribes, languages and cultural traditions are vastly different once you learn the details, but for an audience that needs a point of reference the American Indians are a good start. I am realizing that American audiences might benefit from such a point of reference to minimize confusion when I tell them that the Montagnards are not Vietnamese. 

Dancing Between Filming + Post 

We have a few more interviews to go, and post-production has already started. I'm incredibly anxious to get the tapes transcribed at this point, knowing that we have a lot of work to be done before the rough cut of the film can be shared with our collaborators. I am anxious to get to that stage, but am trying to be patient! The rough cut is going to be the hardest part, from what I can gather. 

Once we have the footage digitized, I know selecting the preferred clips will be easy. And that part does not have to wait for the transcription process to be complete, since I will have access to the clips and can sort, or prioritize, them easily. Since I conducted each interview, I have a photographic memory of certain quotes and think that pulling those needles from the hay stack should be fairly easy to do. Hopefully. 

It is the process by which we construct the rough cut that I keep thinking about, though. We have to find a way to tell this story so that it is visually and emotionally interesting. We have to find a way to construct the stories and images so that we portray the events with integrity, and allow the audience to draw their own conclusions. It is a great weight to bear, but we have support from many talented people that are helping guide the process. 

Call to Arms Volunteers are knocking on our door now. It is humbling! To have a zero-dollar budget, and have such qualified talent willing to volunteer is unbelievable. I am caught in disbelief at others' gravitation to the project, perhaps because I have convinced myself that not many others are willing work for experience and no pay. But low and behold, there are others who are equally dedicated, and are volunteering to help--people who are taking the initiative to make sure the film is done in excellence! It is a very rewarding feeling! 

If you (or someone you know) has a talent or skill to offer, we most certainly welcome the support. There is much work to be done!

Fog of War

Moments ago I finished watching Fog of War, a documentary about Robert McNamara, former Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War that Matt recommended during our conversation last night.  It was fascinating and had a lot of great quotes in it about his leadership during the war.  

I knew nothing of this film until last night, and went to rent it immediately.  It has been incredibly helpful to look at how another approached a similar subject matter (ours will focus more on the Montagnard-American relationship than the Vietnam War), and how the story was crafted without any narration.  McNamara himself acts as the narrator, which is how I am approaching our film.  I prefer to have the interviewees be the voices, but we will see how that works out once we get the rough cut prepared.

More to come later.

Week in Review

So much happens in a week, it's getting difficult to keep up! Let's see how succinctly I can capture the past week's events, thoughts and revelations.

"We almost never think of the present, and when we do, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future."
- Pascal

Wednesday, July 2
Filmed two interviews with the help of Chris Moore. He was critical in getting the equipment set up at Surry's house. It took us a good two hours to clear one of the bedrooms upstairs, set up all the lights, and test the camera angles and audio. Having him there to help was a huge relief, and I'm terribly grateful for his help. It made focusing on the interviews much easier.

The interviews went well, too. We talked at great length about the Montagnards who fled to the jungles after the war ended. Because they fought with the Americans, when South Vietnam fell to communism, the Montagnard leaders were in great trouble. After 10 years of living in the jungle, they "surrendered" their arms and became political refugees in order to come to the States. They made it clear to me that they didn't want to become refugees. They simply want their own land and independence once again.

Thursday, July 3
Another vacation day devoted to filmmaking. I had three or four meetings scheduled. In the morning, I met a young man named Lap who is studying linguistic anthropology and is creating a dictionary of his language. Very cool! I must say, that seems like a huge, very exciting challenge. He offered me a lot of great insight on the Montagnards, conducting interviews and what to expect when scheduling the conversations. His help has been incredible, and I can't thank him enough. He even helped me buy a CD of Montagnard music, which I have been enjoying very much.

After the breakfast meeting, I headed over to Surry's for another interview with a man named Chris who served in the Mike Force during Vietnam. It was a very interesting interview, and I am looking forward to reviewing the tapes.

The more I interview people, the more I understand. And the more comfortable I become with conducting the interviews and asking what I would normally think are dumb questions. But I was raised to believe that there is no 'dumb question' because if you don't know the answer, you'll never find out. In this case, I am asking the same questions to hear different opinions and it is a fascinating process.

The third meeting of the day was at the Apple store, where I finally learned how to export the tapes as MP3s. What a break through! FINALLY! I'm very excited about this, and am anxious to get the tapes to the transcription agency so that we can get that process moving forward immediately. That was a great meeting in more ways than one, as it also revealed some of the critical filmmaking mistakes I've been making.

"It’s only by failing consistently that you’re really going to learn to succeed, and I mean to succeed in a superficial way, but I mean succeed as an artist…in understanding the truth of your work, and being able to implement that truth in your work."
- Stanley Tucci

But, I am staying positive about that. My background in still photography and design is coming in handy every day. But I am still learning this new medium, and so there are a lot of critical things to know that I am learning the hard way. In fact, last night there were some excellent conversations that taught me a lot...but more on that later.

Friday, July 4
Independence Day! I took the day off to relax and spend time with friends. It was quite possibly one of the most relaxing days I have had in quite some time. We played games, watched movies, shot off fireworks, ate a lot of great food and fell asleep to the comedic rants of Eddie Izzard. I marked it as a much needed day of rest. There are many cliche connections between Independence Day and this project, but I will save you from that heavy-handedness.

Saturday, July 5
In the morning, I kept the slow pace going. I feel it's important to find that balance, as one can get sick easily if the immune system is not able to keep up the fast pace. I don't like being sick, so I am doing my best to keep balanced since the amount of time I'm spending on the film has increased dramatically over the past month. This is by my own choice, of course, but I am trying to keep that Lifeguard mentality that you cannot help others if you are in danger yourself. I mean, being sick isn't being in danger, but you get the point, I hope.

I've already written a bit about what happened Saturday night in Greensboro. It was an unforgettable evening, filled with good music and dance. I am also looking forward to reviewing this footage. And I hope to get more like it so that we can craft this story in an interesting manner.

Sunday, July 6
The morning meeting over coffee with Betzi was canceled. I had hoped she could help me talk about event planning, for screening the film once it's completed. My full time job has taught me the importance of planning ahead in this department, and I do not want to wait before putting some minor effort (at least right now) into this stage of the project. After all, why create a film if you aren't willing to do the work to be sure people see it, right?

But, for various reasons, we canceled our meeting. It was for the best, honestly, as I need to stay focused on completing this stage of the project anyway: finishing interviews, digitizing tapes, transcribing the interviews, and editing the film together. Those steps are pretty monumental right now, so we can always return to the event planning at a later date.

That afternoon, Doc and I met to talk about editing the footage. He helped me get the project set up and we talked about a lot of the logistics. He's offered to be the main editor, for which I am so incredibly grateful! The day left me with a huge sense of relief, knowing that a trusted partner has just joined the 'team' to help make this thing come to life. He shared some Film 101 knowledge with me about formats, proportions, and work flow.

His expertise will help us save time and money in putting the project in motion, which refers me to what I talked about a few posts ago: looking for people that will go to war with you. It's terribly important to build that army of folks that understand what you're trying to do, and can help you make it better.

"My advice [to people who want to get into film] is to find people your own age who are incredibly talented...because they gravitate to action. Talented people ultimately find something to do. So you create circles of talent...The real alliances are with the people you came up with...if you don't loose them when you begin to get work, if you stay true to each other, those are the people who will go to war with you."
- Lynda Obst, director

The rest of the evening was spent focusing on improv, which was a welcomed break as well. Improv is so close to filmmaking in so many ways, that it helps me wrap my head around this project even more. The team I get together with each Sunday practices a form called the Harold, which is not too different than a film itself. There are elements that make the film work, and the way the scenes are edited together--the ebb and flow, the heightening of emotions, the characters--these are all tools that relate to filmmaking, and I find myself even more grateful for that training.

Two of my friends ate dinner with me after practice and let me tell them more about the project. With each layer of information I shared, their eyes grew bigger. Like me, they found it difficult to believe that things like genocide were still happening in the year 2008.

I have sources that have told me during the Vietnam War there were about 2-3 million Montagnards in Vietnam and presently only about 700,000 are there. Each person who has shared this with me starts to break their relatively detached demeanor. True compassion and hurt shows through. I have more research to do in order to confirm these numbers, but having heard it so many times I would find it hard to be false.

Monday, July 7
Back to work. It was a long day after having been out for vacation, and for other various reasons. The day weakened my spirit a bit, so that evening I didn't accomplish much other than research by means of watching I, Robot to clear my mind. It worked. I found myself thinking about characters, editing and such.

Tuesday, July 8
Last night I feel like I moved forward a lot. I met with another editor named Matt, who studied film at NCSU. He asked a lot of great questions and our conversation was a good one. We have decided that I will work with Doc as long as he is available to edit, and then Matt will help me put the pieces together. After the meeting with Matt at my house, I went to Doc's to pick up the camera and we had a great conversation, too. He shared even more of his expertise with me, about film composition and lighting.

Doc shares a lot of my values, I think. We talked about how few people recognize that opportunity often looks more like hard work than anything glorious. I think that's very true.

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you didn't take."
- Wayne Gretsky

When you see someone on Good Morning America, joyfully talking about their accomplishment, it is easy to assume that they snapped their fingers to get to that point. But, what most people fail to see is the blood, sweat and tears that went into the journey that brought the accomplishment.

I once heard an interviewer ask an actor why he had become an overnight success. The actor smiled, pausing to take in the question. I like to think he was trying to filter his response so that he didn't simply say, "No one is an overnight success!" Instead he politely replied that others might think he was an overnight success, but in reality he had been doing the same thing for years. It was only recently that he was starting to get attention for it.

Moral of the story? Focus on quality. Focus on learning. Focus on doing what you do best so that you can be a better version of yourself. And when it's your turn to get that infamous 15 minutes of fame, you'll know that when the lights fade and you become yesterday's news, you still have your integrity and honor. Because you are still you, and you haven't let something so silly as fame change you.

I don't mean to go on a soap box here, it's more like a rambling of thoughts. America makes fame seem so delicious, so worth the struggle to achieve it. I feel quite the opposite, actually. It terrifies me. Sure, it'd be great to walk down a red carpet once in my life, but I would much rather trade that for a life time of sharing stories that impact people in a positive way.

But enough of the philosophy, here; there is much work to be done and a dwindling amount of time in which to complete it. My to do list continues to grow, and my clock continues to count down to my next appointment.

Wednesday, July 9
Today. I've taken another vacation day. If you've read this far, bless ya! This is a long post, driven by the dark coffee and raw sugar I consumed an hour ago.

The day today is going to be dedicated to getting my thoughts and plans in order. Capturing the many racing thoughts that have been in my mind over the past week, so that I might share them with others in order to move this project forward in a timely fashion.

Last night during my conversation with Doc, I blurted out that I loved the research process. And I didn't remember that until last night! How did I forget that? I do love the research. Diving into something new, totally ignorant of the subject matter, open and ready to receive new information. I find that chaotic space to be so blissful.

"Chaotic space is about the randomness of life. It is about experiencing the experience as it happens, rather than having the experience with an eye to the next one...So in chaotic space all sorts of things happen randomly that impact you. It isn't the 'things' that happen, it's how you use, apply and live them that is the real impact. They come into your life, you decide or choose what you do with them."
- Nicola Phillips

Last night I had another epiphany, too. That this dream of being a filmmaker might just be possible! Why had I doubted that for so long? It is easy to let one's fear become the very thing that freezes you.

"Thinking the unthinkable; making mistakes; paradoxically these are the things that increase not decrease our personal power. Power is the ability to influence and influence is the manifestation of power. Under pressure there are times when we discover that our belief in ourselves is more fragile than we wish. By the same token some situations can surprise us and allow us to see how much influence we really have."
- Nicola Phillips

That's all for now folks. More to come later, I am sure.

The Will to Fight

Each of us has our own battles. For some, it is the constant battle to end our own addictions. For others, it is battling one’s way to climb the corporate ladder. Still, for others it is a daily battle to manage one’s time. There are an infinite number of battles one can fight, and very few of them are original. We humans have been fighting the same battles for thousands of years.

Today I found myself in a weakened state, not wanting to battle forces that disagreed with my own beliefs. I found myself counting the number of times I had gone to battle, trying to win a war that feels incredibly hopeless. I found myself counting my allies, and seeking out those whom I knew I could trust to confide in. I found myself feeling incredibly weakened and alone, save for one person who completely understood.

And tonight, as I reflect on the day I realize how silly my battle was in reality. It was so minor in comparison to the battles that have been recounted to me over the past few months. As this project moves forward, and as I fall deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, my comprehension of the Montagnard-American compassion grows.

In the past week, I have been told countless stories of bravery, battles, challenges and victories. My past week has felt more like fiction than fact. As each story unfolds, and with each new contact I meet, I feel more and more like I have entered another world.

Saturday night I drove to Greensboro to film a Montagnard cultural event. I got there at about 5:30pm, entering the China King Restaurant weighed down with our equipment. People led me to the back of the restaurant where a man met me, and confirmed that I was, in fact, in the right place. Then, almost immediately I saw the warm smile of Surry’s friend who had been our host on June 13. Seconds later I saw another warm smile, and another, and another. For feeling like an outsider because of the language barrier, I was surrounded by friends and warm smiles.

Included here is a photo of a gift they gave me, too. It seems every time I meet with someone to talk about this project, I am given a gift! And each time, I wish that I had something to give in exchange. Then it occurred to me the other day that the big thank you will quite possibly be the film itself. By sharing these circumstances with others who—like me—didn’t know anything about Montagnard culture or very little about the negative outcomes of the end of the Vietnam War, we will be able to hopefully make some small impact.

But I am very careful not to make any promises, as so many American promises have been broken already. At the very least, we will be able to finish the interviews and start sharing them with others. And this audio and visual record will help document history—a history of a people and their land, culture and belief systems. A history of a people who—like Americans—have been fighting for their freedom for many, many years.

A day with the film

Today is going to be a full day focused on the film, as was yesterday. I've taken two vacation days from work so that I can keep things moving forward. It's a good time to do it since Independence Day is a holiday, which gives me three full extra days (in addition to the weekend). So, it's almost like having a full week to work on the film. I can't help but fantasize that this is what it would be like to have my "full time job" actually be filmmaking, as this has been my dream for so long. It is incredible to feel one's dream converge with reality.

I feel like my research on Hollywood is starting to solidify, too. For so long I have watched and read actors and filmmakers talk about how "lucky they are to work with such great talent" and how they "would work with so-and-so on another project any time", but now it's starting to get ingrained in my head.

You have to surround yourself with people that are far more talented than you are, that bring incredibly valuable skills and ideas to the table. You want to go to war with these people, and you have to trust that they will understand your vision and help you make it come to life. You need to know that they will be there to help carry you, when you are too weak to walk on your own.

It's not too different than being in the jungles of Vietnam with a Montagnard at your side to show you how to survive eating the poisonous plants and life-threatening wild life that could kill you at any moment, or a barrage of enemy fire heading straight in your direction. It is no wonder why American troops trained them and fought side-by-side with them. But, where are we now when they still suffer in Vietnam? Where are we to fight by their sides when they need us?

As I sit at this cozy Cafe Carolina in Cameron Village, waiting to meet on of the Montagnards to chat about his studies in Texas, I am reminded at how surreal this whole project feels. Yesterday was an incredible day, and it feels like each one just keeps getting better and more exciting. There is much to tell and little time to share it at the present moment, but that will come soon I am sure.

There are three interviews scheduled for today, and a meeting at the Apple store again. I've logged some of the HD footage, and recognize the insurmountable help I'm going to need editing everything into a succint 30-minute piece. But the reasons for the film are never forgotten.

Yesterday, one of my interviewees smiled at the end of almost two hours of talking, and looked me in the eye to if this film was going to help his people. The love he has for helping his people (both in Vietnam and here in the States) just pours from him. He has seen so much, survived incredible circumstances, and sat across from me yesterday asking for my help.

Every day is incredibly humbling. I told another friend a little more about the project, specifically how we want it to bring about positive change. He said, "Really? Is that one of your goals?" I like his questions because he is very grounded in reality, and helps me keep my head out of the clouds.

"Yeah, it is. We're hoping that by telling others about what's happened and is currently happening, we can make change take shape," I replied confidently. I'm hoping so. Counting on it. Knowing that this is all choreographed by something much larger and more important than I am, I feel that it could make positive change happen.

And when my interviewee looked at me smiling, asking that question yesterday, I genuinely meant that response. The Americans that fought with them made many promises, and as an American, I feel it's the least I can do. For now.